Come Outside
by Metallic Shadows
Summary: Castiel is afraid to leave the house. His therapist and brother help him to make friends, resulting in meeting Dean, a shy mute who might just be the only one capable of getting him to come out of his shell.
1. Chapter 1

"Hello. My name's Castiel. I'm 32 years old and I have Agoraphobia," Castiel said blankly, staring at his older brother. Gabriel had come over for the twenty-third time this month (twenty-fourth if you counted the time Castiel refused to open the door and let him in) and was still persistent on enrolling him on one of those dating websites. Seeing as Castiel couldn't leave the house, Gabriel had made it his personal mission to find a companion for his brother.

"Well, I guess it's honest," Gabriel mused, giving an uncertain look. "Maybe your opening line shouldn't be the one that scares them away." Castiel gave a look of hatred. He didn't like this one bit. He could already feel anxiety creep up and settle in his chest. If Gabriel continued to push this he would most certainly have another panic attack.

"I don't _need _anyone. I'm perfectly fine here. Thank you," he said quickly, rubbing his slightly sweaty palms together out of nervous habit. He swallowed thickly, darting his eyes up from Gabriel then back down to the spot on the floor.

Gabriel knew his limits. When he should stop before he pushed his brother over the edge and into a nervous breakdown. Again. "Okay, kiddo. It's okay. I just thought you'd want some extra company as opposed to seeing my face everyday," he said, voice gentle and calming.

"I don't see your face everyday. I see it 83.2% of the time each month, on average," Castiel chimed off quickly, needing his facts to help relieve the tight clump in his chest.

Gabriel smiled sadly. A face Castiel never saw. One his brother reserved for when he wasn't looking and he was truly concerned. "Bro, I'm almost 35. Soon enough I'll be getting married and that 80%…"

"83.2%," Castiel corrected.

Gabriel nodded. "Right, 83.2% will decreased. I'll have my own life and I don't want to see you be left behind, that's all. You need a buddy you can trust. Like me. Someone whose got your back."

Castiel was silent for a while, considering this. He'd always just assumed his brother would be there for him. The more he thought about it. The more he thought how selfish he'd become to assume this.

"How do I find this buddy?" Castiel asked, playing with his bottom lip between his teeth.

The thought of meeting new people made him uncomfortable but nothing he couldn't deal with. He'd rather be uncomfortable for a short period of time, finding a friend as opposed to be constantly living in fear once Gabriel moved away.

"Don't worry about it too much today, kiddo. I'll help you out with this, don't worry."

Castiel nodded. He trusted his brother. After their parent's deaths, Gabriel was the only one he could rely on. Since the age of five, Castiel had always turned to his brother for guidance. He could trust him with this too. Gabriel nodded, reaching out to give Castiel's hand a light squeeze.

"I'll be back tomorrow. I'll bring in some of those dunkin' donuts you like," Gabriel smiled, standing from the couch and left Castiel's home.

The house was originally their grandmother's, a tiny cottage tucked away on the outskirts of town. Castiel was comfortable there. It had a secluded garden, not that he ever used it. Only Gabriel went out there to mow the grass and plant new flowers for Castiel to admire through the window. It had three bedrooms. One of which Castiel had turned into a study for work and the other a guest bedroom for Gabriel. Not that it looked particularly welcome at the moment with boxes stacked up high in every corner of the room. Every other room, however, was kept clean and orderly. The only way Castiel could function, being confined to his home everyday.

He sat back against the large couch cushion, wrapping his hands around his favourite mug and sipped his camomile tea slowly with a content sigh. Now that the pressure of Gabriel had disappeared for a few days, he could finally relax again and feel comfortable in his own home.

That is of course until a slight tap on the door disrupted his afternoon. His eyes widened and he stiffened visibly, shrivelling in on himself as he wondered who it could be. He placed his mug down silently on the coffee table, tiptoeing towards the front window to peer out from behind the curtain.

Oh. It was only Sam.

He carefully stood behind the door, opening it a crack to gander outside to find a very tall man smiling back at him. "Hey, buddy. You still okay with our appointment today?" Sam asked gently, keeping a generous amount of space between himself and Castiel. With a small nod, Castiel stepped to the side and allowed the man to enter his home and once again invade his privacy.

Sam was a cognitive behavioural therapist. He helped Castiel to take small steps into overcoming his anxieties and how to deal with them if they should arise. Gabriel hadn't seen much of a difference but Castiel could feel it. Sam would give him exercises to do if he felt stressed or upset. He also showed Castiel techniques on how to express himself more fluently. He hadn't improved much but every little bit helped.

Sam stood to the side of the living-room and waited until Castiel had sat down before seating himself in the armchair opposite. Castiel returned his attention to his tea and pretended Sam wasn't there, allowing himself to feel more at home before trying to address Sam. And as always, Sam waited patiently for Castiel to feel comfortable before he began their session.

"Anything new this week?" Sam began, voice smooth and gentle. He crossed his leg over the other so his foot rested against the opposite knee. He leant back and made himself seem casual and as non-threatening as possible.

"My brother is trying to find me a buddy," Castiel said, lips curled around the ceramic of the mug as he took another sip of tea.

Sam looked intrigued. Definitely a bigger step from last week's _I've changed my brand of cereal from cornflakes to cornflakes with raisins. _"Really? How do you feel about that?"

Castiel began to play with the handle of the mug, looking down at the remaining contents of his drink as he spoke. "Nervous. I-I understand his intentions but I'm more concerned about having to expose myself to find new people."

Sam nodded in understanding. "It will be hard," he said honestly. His smile brightening a little as he said, "But it's okay. Myself and Gabriel are both here to help you. We'll be with you every step of the way."

"I appreciate it," Castiel said, despite feeling like a useless toddler who's still working out how to use it's legs. It was embarrassing. Feeling like this. Having to have professionals help him make friends. Humiliating too but he understood that he did need the help and that with it, he could get better.

There was a long silence before Sam began to speak again. This time his voice was low and slightly uncertain. Something that didn't calm Castiel's nerves at all. "I'm going to let you in on a little secret, Cas. I have an older brother. He's 33 and..well, he's real shy and kinda the reason I went into this profession. He's mute, you see. I wanted to help other's like him. Those that find it hard to communicate and interact with others, you know? And not many people know about him. He's reserved and keeps to himself mostly but I'm very protective over him. Just like Gabriel is with you. I don't wanna see him get hurt but if you want to, I'd think you'd get along nicely with him."

Castiel was quiet for a moment, processing the facts. It would be nice to meet someone who understood him. Someone who could relate and appreciate how hard it is for him to put himself out there. And having Sam, someone besides Gabriel whose judgement he trusted enough offering him a solution to his problem seemed more than real. If Sam said his brother would be someone he could get along nicely with then he trusted him on that. Besides, it would be better than trying to meet someone outside, in social situations.

"I-I don't think I can do that alone," he said quietly, shaking his head.

Sam smiled a little, taking that as a yes. "I'll be here. Gabriel too if he's free. If it's too much we'll go home, I promise."

Castiel mused it over for a moment. It seemed like the only viable option he had at the moment. So with a weak nod, the arrangements were made and Sam left, promising to return within the week with his brother, Dean.

* * *

Four days later and Castiel was sitting in his regular spot on the couch, drinking some raspberry tea from his favourite mug. He was waiting for Dean and Sam with his brother Gabriel who sat opposite him on the couch, drinking a tall glass of Sunny D.

"I'm so proud of you, kiddo," Gabriel praised. The gathering had yet to begin but Gabriel was already grinning with pride because his little brother was meeting new people. Castiel gave a small smile in acknowledgement but was too far gone in his own little world to comment. He was trying to collect himself, remaining calm so he could at least make it through an hour before panic set in.

There was a knock on the door and Castiel stood up, checked the curtain, opened the door a crack and then let Sam in, staring curiously at the younger man trailing along behind. Dean was about Castiel's height and age. His hair light brown in contrast with green eyes cast down on the floor. His skin peppered with freckles, something of a blessing to Castiel. If things went wrong he'd count them. Bingo. Safety net. "H-Hello," he said with an awkward smile.

Sam watched as his brother began to sign timidly at Castiel.

_Hello, my name is Dean._

"He said his name is Dean," Sam explained to which Castiel nodded in understanding.

"I-I can sign," Castiel said, enjoying the brief look of surprise on Sam's face. After his parents died, he'd refused to speak, for almost three years. He'd learnt to sign to communicate with Gabriel and it'd stuck ever since.

_Hello, Dean. My name is Castiel. I'm 32 years old and I have Agoraphobia._

Apparently Dean found Castiel amusing. A small grin stretched across his face. Even in sign Castiel had found a way to sound awkward but Dean didn't seem bothered by it. Far from it, in fact. So Castiel tried to not let it bother him either. He even allowed Dean's infectious smile to effect him, bringing a small to his own lips as he showed the brothers into the living-room.

Things were easier from there. They conversed easily. Both Gabriel and Sam deep in conversation, comfortable enough to leave Dean and Castiel by themselves. Castiel found himself actually enjoying Dean's company. Dean also seemed to be enjoying himself. Both of them coming out their shells a little, completely at ease with one another.

_Would you like to come over again, same time next week?_

Castiel was afraid to ask but he really liked Dean. He felt with time they could be firm friends. Dean looked hesitant and Castiel was ready to apologise when Dean looked over his shoulder to Sam before looking back at Castiel and nodded timidly.

_Can I come alone?_

Castiel was hesitant. Going behind Sam and Gabriel's backs but the thought of being with Dean alone didn't scare him as much as it should have. He nodded with a breathless smile. They made arrangements and shortly after Dean tugged on Sam's sleeve and asked to leave.

They said their goodbyes, both Dean and Castiel shared nervous smiles at the exciting thought of meeting alone together next week. That night, Castiel slept peacefully for the first time in a long time.

* * *

**So this is very different, I'm sorry if it doesn't quite work. I just need to write it down. I don't think I'll continue this, it was more of a tester than anything really...**


	2. Chapter 2

A week had passed and Castiel had spent the majority of his time preparing for Dean to come over again. He scrubbed the floors, washed the windows and dusted every item in the house, then did it all over again. Gabriel was beginning to worry. Castiel only got like this when something in his life changed. He'd get nervous and clean like crazy. He was about to verbalise his concern when Castiel finally spoke.

"I need these items precisely," Castiel instructed, handing Gabriel a detailed list of groceries. The piece of paper crinkle free with calligraphy styled writing. Blue ink, fountain pen. Castiel's usual script. And it only took him an hour and a half to compose, with four drafts. A personal best.

He'd spent a long time panicking over his choice of snacks. Dean had said he liked movies last week. Action ones in particular. Castiel didn't watch many movies but he'd seen enough to be able to talk about them with Dean and not feel unintelligent. The only thing was, Dean had experienced the cinema and Castiel hadn't. He didn't understand that it wasn't just about the movie. It was about the atmosphere, the food and the people you watched it with.

So Castiel had gone online and researched what people did at the cinema. What they ate and what they talked about. He'd then spent two days in his head. What if Dean doesn't like popcorn? Salt or sweet? Would he have butter with it? Why would you have butter on it? Maybe hot dogs would be a better idea. What if he's allergic to mustard? Brown or white rolls? How do you even eat them? What if he doesn't want snacks? He'll think I'm trying too hard. Then he won't come around again. Castiel watched Gabriel closely as he read the list, hoping his brother wasn't thinking what Castiel had been. He thought he'd gotten the list just right. He didn't want Gabriel to tell him he'd done it wrong.

Gabriel raised an eyebrow at the list. "Hersey's Chocolate Milk, Jiffy-Pop, Red Vines Originals.." Gabriel read of the list, brows knitting together as he read further down the list. He looked back up at his brother with a curious expression. "This isn't your usual list."

Castiel bit his lip, nerves beginning to seize up again. He hated lying to his brother but he'd promise Dean they'd make this their little secret. And honestly, Castiel felt a little giddy at the thought of sharing something with someone besides his brother. Despite the fact that the thought of change and taking a risk had made him feel queazy on more than one occasion.

"It's for a movie night," Castiel began, at least that part was true. "I thought I'd try the 'movie theatre experience' you're always talking about."

Gabriel looked suspicious but didn't say anything. Maybe Sam and Dean's visit had been good for him. Giving him the confidence to come out of his shell a little. "Alright. I've got a date with Sam tonight so I'll go to store and get your, uh, snacks and then I'll see you tomorrow. You gonna be okay, kiddo?"

Castiel nodded quickly, too self involved to realize Gabriel was dating again. He was too concerned about everything going well with Dean to be aware of his elder brother's issues. He took note to confront him tomorrow about it. Especially if his brother and therapist where becoming romantically entangled.

Gabriel left and returned 28 minutes later with all of Castiel's require items. He then left again reminding Castiel to stay safe and ring him if there was an emergency. As soon as the door clicked shut, Castiel went back to work, cleaning everything in sight before laying out the snacks on the coffee table.

There were two large green bowls set neatly in the middle of the table. Each one containing either, popcorn or potato chips. Then two small dark green bowls sat together and to the side of the potato chip bowl, containing various dips. Castiel's favourite mug sat on the corner of the table, besides his regular spot on the couch. It contained cranberry and orange tea, something to comfort Castiel amongst all the change. A tall glass containing Hershey's chocolate milk (Dean's favourite) sat on the other corner of the table next to the other corner of the couch. He added a crazy straw to the glass. Something he'd seen Gabriel do to make his drink more 'fun'. He placed the Red Vines and Reese's Peanut Butter Cups together behind the bowls and nodded quickly at his work. Hopefully Dean would like this.

Speaking of which, a small knock on the door startled Castiel from his train of thought. He bit his lip anxiously. His breathing rate increased a little but he told himself to breathe deeply and count to ten. When he got to eight he felt better and slowly headed towards the door, peering through the curtain to check who it was before opening the door a crack to see Dean standing there with a small smile.

Dean looked nicer than he had the first time he'd come over. He wore a navy beanie hat which made his hair stick up at the front. A matching coloured fitted jacket with a black and white striped hoodie beneath. He also wore jeans and black converses. Castiel was beginning to regret not taking more time to consider his appearance. He'd been so worried about the night's events he hadn't even thought about looks. He blushed deeply, hiding behind the door a little. Dean just smiled and signed:

Hey, buddy. You look nice. May I come in?

Castiel frowned a little and blushed even more. He was just wearing his regular clothes. A loose green shirt which stretched tight under his fitted black jacket. Simple jeans and black socks. He didn't wear shoes inside. He nodded and stepped back to open the door further to let Dean inside.

Thank you. You do too.

Both shared nervous smiles and stood uncertainly together in the hallway. Castiel felt his breathing become quicker and his palms became sweaty. He swallowed thickly, looking up at Dean and tried to focus on his freckles.

1..2..3..4..5..

I brought the movies.

Castiel blinked, shaking his head and tried to focus on what Dean just signed. He gave a look of confusion before Dean hesitantly pulled out two DVDs from his backpack and held them up as evidence to justify what he'd said.

Oh. Castiel smiled, taking the two cases carefully from Dean and examined them. The Blues Brothers was one of the films. Castiel had actually seen that one. His brother was a big John Belushi fan. The other was a film he hadn't seen, Wanted. He held up The Blues Brothers and smiled. He figured if they started with something familiar thing might be easier. "L-Let's start with this one," he decided, trying to be bold and take the lead. It paid off. Dean gave him a small smile and put Wanted back in his bag as he toed off his shoes and lined them up neatly to the side. He didn't want to disrupt Castiel's order.

Castiel watched Dean and he could feel himself relax. Dean was perfect. He was trying just as hard as he was to keep the other comfortable. They seemed to be working well together. After a moment, Castiel showed Dean to the other room and the mute's eyes lit up.

Wow! This looks great!

"Are you sure? It's not too much?" Castiel asked quietly, biting his lip.

Dean shook his head, sitting down in the opposite corner of the couch as Castiel sat down too.

Not at all. It's perfect. Is this mine?

He pointed at the milk, eyeing it like it was the last glass of chocolate milk on the planet. He looked like a little kid being taken out for ice-cream. Oh. Ice-cream. He should have gotten ice-cream. Damn. Dean stopped his train of thought. He looked so happy. Castiel decided that it was enough.

"Yeah, it's yours. There's more in the fridge too, if you want some," Castiel said quietly, wrapping his hands around his mug and held his cooling tea close to his chest. Dean gave a warm smile. Touched Castiel had gone to the trouble to cater to his needs. He understood things like this were hard for Castiel. Sam had briefed him a little before they'd come over last week. Dean only wished he had the confidence to tell Castiel how much this meant to him. He was afraid to look like a weirdo for getting so happy over milk.

Thank you.

Castiel smiled back at Dean and watched as Dean happily drank through the crazy straw like a happy little kid. It was adorable really. Castiel had to tell himself to stop staring. Dean wouldn't like it. He quickly looked away, sipping at his tea and sighed, relaxing a little in Dean's company.

They remained this way for a while before Castiel felt confident he wouldn't panic today. He could make it through a movie in Dean's presence and that thought made him smile. He placed his tea on the side and picked up the DVD, stepping over towards the TV when his leg caught the end of the table and knocked over the popcorn bowl. Oh no.

He bit his lip, falling to his knees as he quickly scooped the popcorn back into the bowl. His face growing red with embarrassment. He swallowed thickly, keeping his head down. This wasn't good. He'd ruined everything. He'd made an idiot of himself and now Dean was going to get mad and- He gasped, recoiling his hand as he felt another brush against his. He looked up instantly seeing Dean by his side, assisting him to clean up the mess.

He shook his head, curling in on himself a little as he felt his heart beating erratically in his chest. "You need to leave," he whispered, panic creeping up again. He'd been doing so well. It embarrassed him, knowing how easily his mood could change. He really liked Dean but he didn't want to burden him with his problems just yet. They'd only just met. He didn't feel comfortable leaning on him like he did with his brother.

Dean's eyes widened, unsure what to do. He finished placing the popcorn in the bowl and place it to the side on the table so it wouldn't get knocked over again. He looked over at Castiel with a frown. He didn't want to leave. Castiel didn't look well. He couldn't just leave him like this. What if something bad happened? He bit the inside of his cheek nervously, reaching out a hesitant hand for Castiel's.

Castiel's eye widened, staring at the hand covering his. He felt his breathing rate increase but he didn't feel like it was him. He felt like he was watching over himself. Watching as his body broke down for the fourteenth time this week. Panicky tears slid down his face as he tried to move away but Dean was persistent yet not in a threatening way. It was weird. What was weirder was if he listened carefully over the sound of his quiet sobs, he could hear Dean faintly whistling to him.

More than anything, Dean decided confusion is what distracted Castiel enough to calm him down. Dean wasn't a strong whistler but he'd managed to perfect the sound between his teeth enough to sing a few tunes. With enough practise, Dean had nailed 'Hey Jude' to a tee. It was a song his mother sang to him as a child. One he'd wanted to sing to his own children. If only he had a voice of his own.

Castiel felt a gentle hand wipe away his tears and continue to whistle a soothing tune to him. He didn't recognise the tune but it was soft and gentle and if Castiel concentrated on it enough he soon began to calm down. Castiel didn't know what to say. Dean had done it. He'd brought him back. He barely knew him and he'd brought him back. The man was a saint. And definitely Castiel's new best friend.

"Y-You've got my back," Castiel said, looking up in surprise at Dean, remembering his conversation with Gabriel about friendship.

Dean breathed a sigh of relief. Glad to see Castiel was calming down. He smiled warmly. Surprised Castiel was so shocked by Dean's gesture to hep. He nodded briefly before signing:

I've got your back.

* * *

**Wow! Was not expecting such a response to this! Thank you guys so much! I was going to leave this open but if you guys are liking it I guess I can write more :)**


	3. Chapter 3

After their first evening alone together. Things became easier for both Dean and Castiel. They'd managed to establish some boundaries. Even stretch them out a little as they got to know one another. They never did watch the movies in the end but neither seemed to mind too much. They'd spoken long into the night before Dean hurriedly headed home before Sam came back and noticed he was gone. He asked with a shy blush whether he could see Castiel again. The other had grinned and nodded eagerly.

Meanwhile on the other side of town, Sam had just driven Gabriel home and they were both sat in Sam's car outside his apartment. A respectable looking neighbourhood. Not too far from Castiel's but also close enough in town to get to work. Gabriel was a baker by trade. Being his own boss helped a lot. If Castiel had a problem, he could get someone to cover for him without any hassle and go help his brother with whatever it was he needed. Still, like nights like these. Gabriel enjoyed having time to himself. Taking a break from babysitting his baby brother. Gabriel had realized he was rambling the usual speech. "I had a great time. We should do this again…" Something neither wanted to say but it had to be said. It was almost tradition in the dating world. Sam, however, cut him off, dipping his head forward and kissed Gabriel firmly.

"W-What are you doing?" Gabriel breathed with a slight gasping hitch to his voice. He pushed the other away gently but didn't leave the car. Not yet. He just stared at Sam in wonderment and quickly looked around to see if anyone was watching them.

Sam smiled sadly, cupping Gabriel's cheek to turn him back to face him. "He's not here, Gabe. It's just us," he assured, stoking the other's cheek with his thumb.

Gabriel sighed, leaning into the touch. "I'm sorry, princess. I'm just worried he'll find out some how."

"You're gonna have to tell him eventually," Sam pressed gently, scooting a little closer to Gabriel.

"I know. It's just..he's only just acclimatising to the fact we're dating. I have no idea what'll happen if I tell him we're engaged. I don't wanna freak him out. He had so much fun with Dean when you guys came around. I just wanna see where that goes before I drop a bombshell on him. I'm all he's got, Sam. I can't just leave him when we go on our honeymoon. I need to know he's got someone watchin' his back."

Sam nodded, leaning close enough to kiss Gabriel's temple and rub his arm soothingly. "I know, honey. It'll be tough. But it's not like you're alone. I still haven't told Dean about you. He still thinks I'm dating some blonde from work."

Gabriel frowned, looking up at Sam. "What, why?"

"Same reason. I don't wanna make him feel like I'm leaving him behind. I'm all he's got too. Sure he's had friends and dates before but nothing that stuck. The excitement of being friends with a mute wears off pretty quickly. People just don't seem to want to keep up the effort to talk to him."

Gabriel pressed his left hand over Sam's. "That's really sad," he sympathised.

Sam nodded. "Yeah. So you see why I haven't said anything?"

Gabriel stretched his neck up just enough to kiss Sam tenderly. "I understand."

Sam kissed him back and smiled sadly against his lips. He pulled away just enough to raise an eyebrow at Gabriel. "Where's your ring?" he asked, looking down at Gabriel's hand which was still resting lightly over his. Gabriel looked down at his hand and smiled sadly.

"I think I left it in here the last time you decided to pull me out for a quickie in the backseat before I went to go see Cas." Sam made a face of recognition and smirked, leaning over Gabriel to get to the glove box. He routed around a little before finding a plain silver band hidden inside an empty condom wrapper. He laughed a little, looking over at Gabriel.

"You really were in a rush, weren't you?" Sam chuckled to which Gabriel grinned, taking the ring and putting it back on his finger with ease. He sighed happily, glad to have it back on his finger. He hated taking it off to go see Castiel. It felt unnatural not to wear it. He felt naked without it.

"What can I say? After royally screwing my brains out I didn't have much time to think," Gabriel smirked, squeezing Sam's hand a little and tangled their fingers together. Sam grinned, leaning in close to Gabriel and kissed his cheek.

"So am I gettin' lucky again tonight or what?" he smirked, to which Gabriel laughed and swatted Sam's arm playfully.

"Get in the house," he said, still laughing and got out the car and walked into his apartment. Sam following on behind with a massive grin. Once the door was closed, Sam crowded Gabriel. Wrapping his big arms around him and kissed him fiercely. Gabriel returning the gesture with just as much enthusiasm, wrapping his arms around Sam's neck.

Things were easy for them. They'd played this routine many times before. They knew how to unravel one another, make the other beg for mercy and be pleasured just the way they liked it. Gabriel's kisses were slow and torturous as he worked his mouth away from Sam's lips, skimming down his exposed throat as he pushed his fiancé back against the wall. A small dip just visible in the wall from where they'd done this one too many times but neither grew tired of it.

Small gasps escaped Sam as his cock scrapped against his zipper. Wrong day to go commando, Sammy. Gabriel just grinned, feeling the bulge press against his thigh but he ignored it. He continued to plant kisses down Sam's body, carefully opening the man's shirt and clamping his hot mouth over a nipple. Sam hissed, gripping hold of Gabriel's hair quickly for support. Gabriel just hummed, circling his tongue around the sensitive bud before sucking on it hard.

The sensations went straight to Sam's cock, causing him to suck in a breath and think about Hilary Clinton for a moment. Gabriel's hand drifted south, cupping a feel before dipping his hand inside Sam's pants and stroked him thrice. His thumb circling the head of Sam's cock, feeling the drops of pre-cum there.

"Clinton won't save you now, princess. You're a stroke away from creaming your pants," Gabriel smirked, knowing his fiancé all too well.

Sam blushed, looking away from Gabriel. "Sorry," he panted. "It's just been a while. I don't think I can-" Sam moaned, pushing his body off the wall and into Gabriel's hand. His eyes screwed shut as he came suddenly.

Gabriel just watched. He didn't mind Sam blew his load before they could have any fun. He loved his Sam. He knew there were times when they could stay in bed all day and make love but these times Gabriel loved just as much. He loved watching Sam unwind so quickly and let his body slump against the wall. He removed his hand from his fiancé's pants and using his now slick hand he pumped himself to ecstasy, watching Sam try to regain some strength and help unbutton Gabriel's shirt.

Sam lazily kissed at Gabriel's chest, lowering to his knees to get a better reach. His mouth sucking loosely over one of Gabriel's exposed hipbones. Gabriel groaned, stroking himself a little faster as he looked down at the look of admiration on Sam's face. Sam smirked, moving a hand up to pull Gabriel's pants down just enough so he could fondle his balls whilst his lover jerked himself off.

"Do you want me to…?" Sam questioned, eyeing Gabriel's cock. Gabriel was panting at this point, his thighs trembling a little at the effort it took to keep upright without the wall for support. He nodded his head, looking down at Sam with a breathless expression. His gold eyes blown out black with arousal as he watched Sam carefully removed the hand from around his cock and replace it with his mouth.

It didn't take long for Gabriel to reach his orgasm, shooting his load into Sam's mouth with a low grunt and a final shuddery breath. Sam choked a little but swallowed the majority of Gabriel's cum. The rest dribbled down his chin as he pulled away. A thin string of cum still connecting Sam's lips to Gabriel's cock as he moved away. He wiped his mouth before helping Gabriel with his pants. He stood up and grinned sheepishly at the other, kissing his nose as he patted him on the ass and directed Gabriel towards the bathroom.

"Let's go take a bath."

After that, Gabriel's doubts and worries over his brother soon disappeared.

* * *

**Woah, what's this? I have no idea. An insight to the Sabriel side of things, I guess. I hope you don't mind. The next chapter will get back to Castiel's perspective. Don't worry, I have a cunning plan. You'll probably all hate me for it. This has taken a mind of its own. I'm sorry xxx  
**


	4. Chapter 4

The following day, Dean had awoken feeling warm and bubbly. He was still replaying the previous night over and over in his head. The way Castiel had let him in a little. Allowed him to care for him after abruptly panicking over nothing in particular. Dean felt sorry for Castiel. Being all alone. Confined to such a small space all his life. It made him feel special that Castiel allowed him to be a part of his life. He knew how hard it was for Castiel to accept new things.

A small excited yelp made Dean look up from under the covers to see Butterscotch's fluffy tanned fur in his face. The small puppy stuck its tongue out panting happily at Dean before letting out another small yelp. He smiled brightly, bringing a hand out from beneath the covers to pet the small dog.

Sam had adopted Butterscotch a few months ago from a shelter and had given him to Dean to look after. According to his brother, his patients suffering from anxiety and stress found it easier to associate with animals as opposed to people. Although he had protested he wasn't like Sam's patients, he did have to admit though, he found the puppy's presence calming.

He carefully stepped out of bed, smiling timidly as Butterscotch jumped off the bed and continued to jump and paw excitedly around his feet. He bent down, picking up the puppy and nuzzled at his face. He wished he could speak to him. Tell him he loved him and praise him like any good owner should with their pet. But he couldn't. Being a puppy still, Butterscotch would grow up acclimatised to the lack of sound from his owner. But still it hurt Dean, knowing he could never be normal, just once.

Dean put down the loveable puppy once he had made it down and into the kitchen. He set down a bowl of food for Butterscotch and set on pouring himself a bowl of cornflakes. He added the milk and placed the bowl on the kitchen table. He went back to the refrigerator and poured himself a glass of orange juice. That's when he heard the faint click of the front door and Dean's lips curled upward in amusement. He closed the fridge door to reveal Sam entering the kitchen with a sheepish smile, still wearing yesterday's clothes.

You stayed over.

It was a simple statement Dean signed before picking up his glass of OJ from the kitchen counter and returned to the kitchen table, knowing his brother would follow. Obviously Sam scoffed and huffed a little, trying to deny the fact but Dean could see the way he slumped down in the seat opposite. His hair damp and freshly showered. He wore a small smile, like he couldn't hide the fact that Dean was right.

"Yeah," Sam said slowly, happiness just under the surface in his voice. Dean rose an eyebrow, taking a spoonful of cereal before dropping his spoon to sign again.

You gonna see her again?

There was a look of hesitation in Sam's eyes he couldn't quite place. His eyebrows scrunched together as he took another mouthful of cereal and waited for his brother to speak. His mouth never opened, however. Sam just sat there for a long while. Just staring at Dean.

Dean moved his head slowly from side to side, seeing if Sam's eyes would follow the movement but he didn't. He was still staring at the same spot in front of him and Dean frowned, taking his spoon and lightly tapping it against the side of his bowl, causing Sam to snap out of whatever dream world he was in and blurt out.

"I'm engaged."

Dean almost choked on his cornflakes, spluttering milk across the table. He coughed a little as he felt the cornflakes stick in his throat. He took a big gulp of orange juice to wash it down. He just stared at his younger brother with wide eyes. His cheeks having turned red from coughing.

You're engaged?! You've only known her a few weeks.

His hands weren't working fast enough to sign. He could feel them tremble a little as he frantically signed to express his concern and worry. He had no idea what had gotten into his brother to come out with something like that. A millions thoughts rushed through his mind. Most of them concerning where Dean would do once Sam inevitably moved out.

Sam just carefully shook his head, wrapping his large hands around Dean's to stop him from communicating so he could continue to explain. He'd been meaning to tell Dean for a while. It was only after this morning, when he and Gabriel spoke did he have the confidence to finally tell Dean. He'd tell Dean and Gabriel would tell Castiel.

"I..I haven't been honest with you, Dean," he said quietly, dropping Dean's hands and let his own rest in his lap as he looked at Butterscotch who now sat by their feet, wagging his tail happily. "I've been with Gabe..for almost three years now."

Dean could only stare at his brother in shock. He carefully reached out for Sam and tugged on his sleeve gently so he would look at him whilst he signed.

Gabe? Castiel's brother?

Sam nodded in confirmation and a small shaky breath escaped Dean. He ran a hand through his hair and blushed deeply. This was complicated. Why hadn't he told him? Did his brother not trust him? Did he not think he'd be okay with this?

Sexuality had been a difficult issue growing up. Their mother had died when Dean was only young. Perhaps three or four. Sam couldn't have been older than six months. Their father…well as far as Sam knew, had died along with their mother in a car crash. And that's the way it was going to stay.

They'd been adopted by a couple a county over, seeing as they had no other family to name of. Dean had remained silent, after what happened. He couldn't speak. Didn't want to either. No matter how hard the Johnson's tried they could not get him to speak. If anything, it'd pushed him further in on himself. Especially when the beatings began.

They'd beat Dean when he couldn't be a part of the school play. Making the Johnson's look foolish in front of the other parents at social gatherings. They'd beat Dean when he got bad grades. Mostly because he found it hard to communicate with others. Especially a low funded school that couldn't afford helpers for kids like Dean. They'd beat Dean when they found a Valentines Day card in his backpack from a boy named Adam.

Sam in particular had been almost beaten to death when they found out Sam had kissed a boy. He'd been 15 and Dean remembered doing nothing. He just sat there, huddled in a corner and let it happen. He can still remember his brother looking at him with pleading eyes, silently begging him to help. But Dean just watched in horror as blood drooled from his little brother's mouth and stained the carpet as unconsciousness consumed him. If it weren't for the neighbours hearing the disturbance and calling the cops, Sam would have died.

"Dean?" Sam asked, resting his hand over Dean's, making him snap out of memory lane. He blushed deeply and looked down at their hands. He timidly curled his hand around Sam's to squeeze it lightly, to afraid to initiate a hug. Especially after reminiscing about their past. He didn't deserve to seek comfort from Sam. Not after what he did. He moved his hand away.

Why didn't you tell me?

Sam sighed, shaking his head. "I don't know, man. I just..at first I just wanted to make sure what Gabe and I had was real. Before I told you but..I don't know, it just got harder and harder to try and tell you. I didn't want you to think I was gonna leave you behind."

You will leave me behind. You're getting married.

Sam shook his head. "Doesn't matter. It won't change anything. I'm going to stay in town. Gabe still had Cas to think about. We're still going to be here for you both. Nothing will change. I promise. I won't let anything bad happen to you. I'll look out for you still."

There was an unusual protectiveness about Sam's voice that made him sad. He was the older brother. He was supposed to comfort Sam with these things. He felt so small and vulnerable when Sam spoke to him like this. All he could do was nod a little and try not to cry. He didn't want to bring anymore attention to himself.

Sam gave a small smile, squeezed Dean's hand once before moving away but Dean caught his sleeve again and Sam turned back just in time to catch Dean twitch a smile.

I'm just glad you're happy, Sammy. You don't have to hide that from me.

Sam nodded, feeling a whole weight off his chest. "Thanks, Dean." After that Sam seemed happier as he went upstairs to change before heading out to work. Dean however, felt worse. He'd kept a secret hidden deep within that had kept Sam protected all these years. Sam would never know just how much he'd suffered to keep his brother safe. And the guilt just came flooding back to the one time it mattered, Dean had done nothing to stop it. He hadn't thought about it in so long and suddenly it had come rushing back and Dean had forgotten how to breath.

He ignored Butterscotch, quickly running from the kitchen and headed upstairs to hide in his room, locking the door behind him. He found his phone and contemplated texting Castiel for a very long time. He didn't want to disturb him. Especially with such short notice. He wasn't sure whether Castiel would like that. But he needed to see him. Needed to find some reassurance in his new friend that his brother couldn't provide. After staring at the message he'd typed out forty minutes ago, he finally sent it and waited for Castiel's to reply.

* * *

**Eeeek! I'm loving the amount of feedback this story is getting. Hopefully things should be picking up from now on, since I've got the idea roughly written out in my head. Thanks for reading :)**


	5. Chapter 5

"I know," Castiel deadpanned, a slightly perplexed look crossed his face. Did he really think he didn't know? Gabriel had just come over, donuts in hand. It was only when he spotted the extra cream filled, chocolate frosting supreme, did Castiel know his brother had something important to say. He only bought them for Castiel on special occasions..or when he'd broken something. He also noticed the cherry flavoured lollipop switching absently between Gabriel's hand and mouth as he spoke. A nervous habit of his brother's. A gesture he'd used to appear casual and collective. However, Castiel knew differently.

"You…you know?" Gabriel blinked, lollipop slipping from his fingers as he pulled it out of his mouth. The candy know stuck to the fabric of his pants. Castiel winced, fingers twitching as he tried not to mention it, seeing as his brother hadn't seemed to notice with the way he was still staring at him.

"Yes," he nodded simply but the look Gabriel continued to give him indicated he should continue speaking. "You think just because you take your ring off I can't tell my own brother is engaged?" He indicated towards the faint tan line on Gabriel's finger. There was a small smile on his lips as he spoke. A smile Gabriel returned until the two began to chuckle softly. Castiel's head turned away as he tried to hide his smile. Castiel noticed everything. It'd surprised him Gabriel hadn't realized this sooner.

"Man. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I just thought you get all well…you, about it."

Castiel nodded slowly. "I understand," he said quietly. He'd been trying recently. Really trying to get better. He'd almost gone out into the garden last week but had broken down when he opened the door. It never used to be like this. Castiel used to be better. He'd still stay indoors most of the time but he was still able to go out to familiar places that he was comfortable with. But over time things just progressed backwards until he found it harder and harder to go outside again. He didn't mind. He liked his home. He just wished sometimes he could be normal. Do things normal people did. Especially seeing as his brother would no doubt be getting married soon.

"I…I want to attend," he said, daring to look up at Gabriel with a wary smile.

"Cas…" Gabriel began with a soft look. Castiel stopped him, shaking his head.

"Don't. This is an important part of your life. I-I wish to witness it first hand. And not from some videotape."

Gabriel gave a small smile and carefully reached out for Castiel's hand. "I'll understand if you can't."

Castiel looked at their hands and nodded slowly. "I know. But I want to try."

Things seemed less tense after that. They ate donuts in companionable silence. A short time later, Castiel's cell rang out. He frowned, looking at Gabriel. His brother was already here. Sam didn't have an appointment booked with him for another week. That could only mean…

Dean.

His smile broke out as he quickly ran from the room and into the kitchen where he'd left the device. He pressed a button to bring up the message and read it promptly. His smile faltered, biting his lip worryingly as he reread the message twice. Dean sounded upset. It took a few more minutes for Castiel to realize what was wrong. If Gabriel had confronted him then it only seemed logical Sam had confronted Dean. Perhaps he wasn't taking the news as well.

When Castiel returned a text letting Dean know he could come over for donuts Castiel realized something. Dean's abrupt visit didn't bother him. He didn't feel the need to clean his house three times or breathe into a paper bag until anxiety consumed him. He felt fine. Oh God what was happening to him? What was Dean doing to him? The fact he felt fine panicked him more than the thing that should have caused him to panic in the first place.

He absently walked back into the main room. Gabriel following him with his eyes, cream spread around his mouth as he chomped greedily on his third donut. Despite how much he'd protest Castiel knew Gabriel had snuck a second whilst he was in the other room. He sat down on the couch, still silent. His phone still clutched in his hand.

"Cas?" Gabriel asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Dean's coming over," he said to the open box of donuts. He could hear Gabriel almost choke on his food.

"D-Dean?" he spluttered, still trying to breathe. Castiel tapped his back gently before rubbing clinical but smooth circles into his back. Gabriel gave him a look of thanks before continuing. "Sam never said. Are you sure you're okay with that?"

Castiel nodded simply, blushing a little. "He's nice."

Gabriel gave him a strange look, trying to read his brother's expression. "Holy crap. You like him."

It wasn't a question. Castiel remained quiet as he inspected his fingernails absently.

"You do," Gabriel said, voice growing in volume and excitement as Castiel's silence gave him his answer.

"He knows what it's like to struggle," Castiel said simply, wishing his brother would stop talking about liking Dean. He wasn't sure what his brother meant by that but it made him uncomfortable. "It's nice to know I'm not alone."

Something in Gabriel's teasing expression changed. Became more serious. He swallowed. Nodding slowly before wiping the crumbs from his lap and stood. "Alright. I'll give you guys your space. I'm gonna go to work. Just call me if you need me, okay?"

Castiel nodded, promising to call just like always. Gabriel soon left, despite his obvious hesitance. He was probably curious to see what exactly was happening between his little brother and Dean. If he were honest, Castiel would like to know too.

26 minutes after Gabriel had left, a light tap hit the door thrice. Castiel went to the window, peered through the curtain before opening the door a crack to reveal a dishevelled Dean on the other side. His blue scarf wrapped messily around his neck, covering half his face. He quickly opened the door and ushered Dean inside without a word. Dean looked nervous and…guilty?

I didn't mean to disturb you

Dean's hands were shaking and Castiel's eyes widened. He carefully rested his fingers over Dean's, hoping to still them like Dean had when Castiel felt anxious. "It's okay. I-I'm here for you, Dean," he said, trying to keep his voice smooth and calm for Dean's sake as much as his own. He walked him through to the other room and offered him a donut but he politely declined as he sat in what he'd come to class as 'his spot' on the couch.

Castiel sat in his own spot. He counted to ten before trying to speak, hoping he could maintain himself enough to comfort Dean. He didn't want to burden Dean with his worries when the man had come here to seek comfort. "Tell me what happened," he ordered gently.

Sam told me about him and Gabriel

Dean looked at Castiel for a moment to make sure he knew before continuing. When the other man nodded, Dean took a breath and continued to fumble with his hands as he signed frantically.

It brought up a lot of old memories.

Dean wouldn't meet Castiel's eyes and he began to worry. He bit his lip and tried holding Dean's hand again. That seemed to do something as the mute looked up with watery eyes. "Maybe..if you want," he said slowly, squeezing Dean's hand lightly. "You could tell me about it? Y-You don't have to let it consume you like this."

Dean shook his head, biting his lip. He couldn't. It hurt too much. He wished at times like this he had a voice. He wished he could tell someone without having to look at them. He wished he could talk this through on the phone without being in the same room as someone. He didn't want to look at Castiel whilst he told him his story. He didn't want to see just how much it hurt him.

Castiel squeezed his hand again, wiping away a tear from the other's cheek without even thinking.

"M-Maybe..a letter? You could write it down. Would that work? I'd hate to see you put yourself through this alone, Dean. We've got each other now. I-It doesn't have to be that way anymore."

Despite himself, Dean felt a surge of warmth spread through him. Castiel wanted to know. Wanted to be let in and the scary part was, Dean was actually considering it. He nodded timidly, looking at their hands and Castiel carefully pulled away to get some paper and a pen. He soon returned and handed the items to Dean.

"I'll go make some tea," Castiel said quietly, figuring Dean might want some time to himself to work out how he was going to write what was bothering him. Castiel knew it could be frustrating to emote your feelings. He'd tried on regular accounts to write down his thoughts. A part of Sam's therapy that he still had trouble with himself.

Twenty minutes later and Castiel returned to the living-room. No Dean in sight and a rumpled piece of paper in his place. Castiel frowned, taking a tentative step towards the item. He picked it up and sat down in his regular seat.

The paper was torn and tearstained the writing scruffy and the compete opposite to Castiel's scripture. But right now that wasn't important. He tried to focus on the words themselves.

_I was three. Maybe four. It's hard to tell. The early years tend to mold together. My mom held me close as she sang to me. Hey Jude. I still remember her blonde locks clutched in my hands. So soft and pretty. She always had been. Always will. _

_I don't remember what had startled her but I knew something was wrong. She'd given me one of those motherly smiles. The ones that say 'everything's fine' but you know it's not. She kissed my forehead and placed me under the bed. _

_At the time I didn't understand. It was just my dad coming home and yet I could feel something was wrong. His words sounded sloppy in my ear. Again, I didn't realize until I was older that he was drunk. Really drunk. He must have pushed my mom because I could see her blue slippered feet stumble across the floor. She started to gasp and cry as he yelled at her. I don't remember what about. I just remember clutching to my teddy bear and begged silently for him to stop._

_Then her feet where gone. My dad's too. Yet I could still hear voices. The bed moved above my head, rocking violently against the wall. My mom started screaming in pain. I wanted to do something. Wanted to stop him. But I couldn't. I was too afraid. I couldn't move. The only thing keeping me from crying out was the words my mom said to me before hiding me beneath the bed. _

_Stay silent. Stay safe._

_She died in hospital two days later. My dad the day after. Thinking back on it I finally understand what had happened. My dad raped my mom. She died of her injuries and my dad committed suicide because of it. Probably too ashamed to live. I don't know. Sammy doesn't know. Will never know. He thinks they died in a car accident. I wish I could too but I can't. I know the truth and it's something I have to live with. _

_I'm sorry, Cas. _

"Oh, Dean," Castiel sobbed, shoving his fist in his mouth to stop from crying out loud. He had to go find Dean. Had to talk to him about this. He couldn't imagine keeping something like this for so long with no one to talk to about it. He stood up quickly, letter still in hand and tears in his eyes. He ran around his house frantically, hoping Dean was still here. He hadn't heard the door shut and just wished Dean was still here.

It wasn't until he reached his bedroom, seeing a pair of feet sticking out from beneath his bed did he wish Dean had gone home. "Dean," he whispered, letter dropping from his hand as he hesitantly knelt down to look under the bed.

Dean flinched when he saw Castiel come closer. His breathing was harsh and tears ran freely down his face. He watched as Castiel watched him for a moment. Almost looking uncertain and scared before carefully sliding under the bed next to Dean and slipped his arm around Dean, bringing him close to his chest. That's when Dean began to shake and break down, letting out all his tears and sobbed silently against Castiel's chest.

Castiel's heart broke. He didn't care about his anxieties. He didn't care about the fact he was lying beneath his bed with someone he was still learning about. He just wanted Dean to get better. His friend to feel safe here with him. The way Dean had made him feel safe.

"I-I've got you," he whispered into Dean's hair. "You're safe now, Dean. I promise."

Castiel could not have been more petrified in that moment. Not having a plan or an idea of their future but even as he spoke he knew they'd be okay.

* * *

**Holy shit. I am so sorry. **


	6. Chapter 6

38 minutes had gone by. Dean had more or less resorted to the occasional sob. The sound felt odd to listen too. Especially since Dean was mute. Well…selective mute seemed more logical with this newfound information. Trauma being the most likely cause, Castiel concluded. The noise made him wince every time. Dean was a gentle, loving man. A smile usually across his lips despite his lack of voice to express such emotion. So to hear Dean make sounds of distress and horror made Castiel's chest tighten and his own tears fall.

He'd been holding Dean like this for the past 39 minutes, now. With the other's face buried in his chest and his own hand resting against Dean's back, rubbing small circles there. He could feel Dean's own hand fisting and unfisting lightly against his shirt as he soaked the front of his shirt with his tears.

But Castiel didn't seem to mind very much. It all seemed worth it once Dean looked up slowly with a small timid smile, his way of saying thanks. "You wanna get out from under the bed?" Castiel asked gently beginning to get uncomfortable lying on the floor with Dean lying half on top of him.

Dean shook his head and gripped hold of Castiel's shirt a little tighter. Castiel bit his lip, moving his arm up and down Dean's back a little faster. As if it would make a difference. "Okay. We'll stay here," he said, the nod implied in his tone of voice. "How about we make it a little more comfy under here?"

Dean looked confused but Castiel smiled shyly, moving out from beneath the bed carefully. He could practically feel the scared look Dean threw his way. He popped his head back under the bed quickly. "I'm right here, Dean. I-I'm just getting something." He rummaged around the tidy bedroom, pulling out a blue bed sheet from the bottom of his wardrobe.

Why blue? Castiel had a theory. He'd noticed a pattern in Dean's choice in colours. Blue. Everything seemed to involve something blue. It wasn't until he read Dean's letter that it struck him why. Dean had mentioned his mom's blue slippers being the last he saw of her. He'd been subconsciously trying to connect with her all this time.

He silently thanked Sam for helping him do all those exercises to help him associate his observations with the way other's functioned. Obviously he didn't get out much. So both Gabriel and Sam had taught him about human behaviour and what was considered normal. He guessed it came in handy now as he felt strangely confident that he'd be able to make Dean feel better.

Perhaps the colour made him feel safe. He supposed so because when he hung the item from his desk chair to his bed, Dean carefully popped his head out to observe the material that now shielded them away from the rest of the room.

Castiel smiled a little, watching Dean's watery eyes widen in curiosity. It saddened Castiel to think maybe Dean's life was more complicated than first imagined. He didn't have any parents. Probably spent most his life in a foster home. Castiel wondered whether Dean had ever made a den before.

He continued to get pillows and blankets and anything comfortable enough to lie on and arranged them beneath the sheet for himself and Dean to lie on. After admiring his work for a moment, Castiel slid underneath and rested up against a pillow and looked over at Dean who was still half way under the bed.

"See? Much nicer," he said with a small smile. He tentatively reached out his hand for Dean, a bold move on his account but Dean needed him right now. He needed to know he was safe here.

Dean blushed, looking at the hand and crawled a little further back under the bed. He wasn't crying anymore but he still looked like a frightened little boy. He carefully signed to Castiel, turning red as he did so.

Can we cuddle?

Castiel blinked. He hadn't really thought about it. He just assumed Dean would want to. He hadn't made it a big thing. Perhaps he should have. It's a big step in initiating trust. How could he be so okay with this? He barely hugged Gabriel. He didn't like contact but with Dean it seemed different. It didn't seem forced upon him. It was just there if he wanted it. And he did. He smiled shyly and nodded, still holding his hand out for Dean.

Dean carefully came out from under the bed and crawled up next to Castiel beneath the blanket fort. It was much comfier, he thought as he snuggled up by Castiel's side carefully. He felt safe here. It was warm and soft and a lot more light could come through than from under the bed. He liked it. He smiled at Castiel, eyes softening as he took in his surroundings.

Castiel watched Dean carefully. He was really beginning to wonder whether Dean had ever been in one of these before. "I-I-I used to make these with Gabriel," he whispered, not wanting to startle Dean. "When I got upset, I'd lock myself away in one of these where no one could disturb me." He wasn't sure why he was telling Dean this. Maybe he felt guilty because Dean had shared so much and exposed himself. Where Castiel had not at all.

Dean let out a small breath in contentment, close to a sigh. His eyes were closed and he was smiling happily, lying there next to Castiel. Just listening to him talk. Castiel spoke a little of his childhood. Nothing major. Just a few stories. Happy ones. To keep Dean's mood from tipping back over. He didn't want that. He couldn't bare to see Dean look that upset again.

It wasn't until he'd finished his story, did he realize just how close Dean was to him. His friend's head rest on the pillow next to him, their noses almost touched when Castiel turned his head to face him. He wished he hadn't done that. His face burnt red. His body felt like it was on fire. He couldn't breathe. He was too close and yet..not close enough. He had no idea what was happening and that scared him. A lot.

"I-I-I have some chocolate milk still left in the fridge. You want some?" he asked, ignoring how breathless his voice sounded. He hoped he could escape this situation before he could work out what was happening.

Dean seemed amused. He gave his usual bashful smile which made Castiel's stomach do flips. Dean's lips mouthed 'no' before his whole body tipped forward just enough so he could press a light kiss to Castiel's lips.

"O-Or I've got tea," Castiel offered, trying to pretend what just happened didn't happen. He wasn't quite show how to process it so he went for ignoring it all together. "Tea is always good."

Dean's smile faltered a little. His hand hesitated, wondering whether he should reach out for Castiel or not. He looked at Castiel curiously. Had he read him wrong? Did he not like him? He watched as Castiel suddenly moved away, muttering about different teas. He suddenly felt like a complete idiot. He shouldn't have kissed him. Castiel was the best friend he'd never had and he'd blown it already. He huffed his frustrations into the pillow which smelled all too much like Castiel. He sighed, squeezing his eyes shut and just like Castiel, pretended that that never happened.

* * *

**I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. Someone else take the wheel?**


	7. Chapter 7

Dean's lips touched his. Dean had leant forward and kissed him. KISSED HIM. Was he delirious? Why had he kissed him? Castiel wasn't anything special. Why would he want romantic entanglements with him? Was their friendship not enough for him? Castiel was pacing the kitchen frantically, feeling his chest seize up with stress from unanswered questions he was too afraid to ask.

His fingertips darted lightly over his mug, waiting for water to boil for his tea. His hand was shaking. He'd almost dropped the mug when fishing it out of the cupboard and since then, the shakes were not calming down. He contemplated phoning Gabriel. He needed help. He was far too out of his league.

He nodded to himself and picked up his cellphone from the kitchen counter, pressing one and calling Gabriel through speed dial. He tapped his fingertips anxiously against the side of the counter as he listened to the phone ring out.

"Fuck," Gabriel cried out in annoyance. One of Sam's clients had cancelled, giving Sam the time to surprise his fiancé at work and take him out back for a quick make-out session.

"Just ignore it," Sam murmured, kissing down Gabriel's neck as the cellphone continued to ring out next to them on the table. One of the perks of Gabriel owning his own bakery. He could do whatever he wanted and he couldn't get in trouble with the boss. He was the boss.

Gabriel shook his head when he saw Castiel's name light up on the screen of his phone. "No. Princess, it's Cas. I gotta take this." He picked up his phone, pushing Sam away a little so he could have some space to answer the phone. Sam resorted to leaning against the table with his arms wrapped around Gabriel's waist. His chin resting lightly on Gabriel's shoulder.

"Hey, kiddo. What's up?" Gabriel answered, trying to keep casual despite his breathy voice from fooling around with Sam for the last fifteen minutes. Sam remained quiet. Giving Gabriel time to speak to his brother. He understood that he'd always come first. Just like Dean did for him.

"Dean kissed me," Castiel blurted out before covering a hand over his mouth when he realized Dean might be able to hear him. "I-I don't know what to do. Gabriel you've g-g-got to help me."

Gabriel straightened, stepping out of Sam's embrace and began pacing the floor a little. Sam's eyebrows frowned in concern, trying to listen in as best he could. "Woah. Slow down. He kissed you? Isn't that…" Gabriel wasn't sure what to say. He'd known Castiel his whole life and not once had he been allowed to get close enough to do more than hold his brother's hand. He couldn't even hug his own brother and he's known Dean five minutes and they fucking kissed?!

"What about your rules? How did that even happen?" Gabriel asked, frowning with worry. He knew Dean wouldn't be the type but…if he'd forced himself on Castiel. He looked over at Sam with a concerned look. Sam shared it, waiting patiently for Gabriel to finish his conversation with Castiel.

"I-I-I don't know. We were under the bed a-and we made a blanket fort and…"

Gabriel interrupted Castiel. "Okay, kiddo. Just take a deep breath for me." He sounded relieved that the situation hadn't gone a different way. Dean was a good kid but that wouldn't stop Gabriel from thinking the worst.

Castiel did and Gabriel's shoulders relaxed a little as he listened to his brother calm a little.

"Alright? Now. Do you like him?"

"I don't know what that means!" Castiel groaned, running a hand over his forehead.

"On your own terms, would you want to kiss him back?" Gabriel asked patiently. He never thought he'd be having this talk with his brother but in a way, he was kinda relieved.

Castiel was silent for a moment. Contemplating. He'd never really thought about it before. Friendship seemed the only viable option. He'd never considered that there might be more than one way of him and Dean pursuing a relationship. A platonic one at best would last a few more months by his calculations. He'd assumed Dean would grow tired of having to stay in the same place all the time and leave him. Although, maybe he'd been so blinded by his own train of thought he'd been oblivious to the way Dean was with him. Maybe he'd always seen Castiel like that. Maybe Castiel was just too clueless to see the signs.

"I…I think so?"

"Okay. So just talk to Dean. Explain how you feel and I'm sure he'll understand if you're not ready for that kind of thing," Gabriel said, looking over at Sam who nodded in agreement but still held a worried gaze. "You want us to come over?" he offered gently, wondering just where Dean was while Castiel was talking to him.

Castiel shook his head, letting out a shaky breath. "No. I'm good. I-I just need to go now. Thank you, Gabriel." He hung up and placed his phone on the kitchen counter, letting out a heavy breath as he did so. He almost jumped out of his skin when he looked up from the floor to see a figure standing in the doorway.

I'm sorry.

Dean's head was hung, almost out of shame. He looked like a lost child and Castiel bit his lip anxiously. He wasn't good at confrontation. He'd used up what confidence he had to get up the courage to phone Gabriel. Now he was lost and lifeless. He didn't know how to speak. He couldn't move. Could only watch as Dean took a hesitant step forward.

I didn't mean to ruin things between us. I…I thought there was something there.

"I've never thought of anyone that way before," Castiel whispered, trying to meet Dean's eyes but cowering at the last moment so his eyes remained on his lips. The lips that had kissed him earlier that evening. He wasn't sure what to think of that.

I can leave if you want?

Dean looked worried and guilty. He was fidgeting with his hands when he wasn't signing. Something that didn't put Castiel at ease.

"Do you want to?" Castiel asked, looking up at Dean properly just for a moment before lowering his gaze again.

No.

No. The same answer Dean gave just before kissing him. Only this time, he was ready. It took a moment for him to register that Dean hadn't moved. He hadn't kissed him. He still stood in the same spot, watching him. Castiel felt strangely disappointed by that. Did that mean something? That he was expecting to be kissed. To kiss Dean back. Huh. Interesting.

The water came to a boil and Castiel's attention was torn away to his tea. Filling his mug with water before dunking a green teabag into the mug. He looked back at Dean who was still watching him with an uneasy expression. Unsure whether he should leave or not.

Castiel looked over Dean once more. Only this time, he looked different. Now Castiel could see just how beautiful he was. Something he hadn't really noticed before. Dean was his friend. Aesthetics weren't really a necessity. Now. They seemed to be and he wasn't sure why but he knew he wanted to find out. He answered Dean's unspoken question with a timid expression and a small smile which broke out into a nervous grin.

"Would you like some chocolate milk?"

* * *

**I love you all. **


	8. Chapter 8

Things seemed a little less tense after that. Dean and Castiel had retired to the living-room with their tea and chocolate milk. They sat on the couch in companionable silence. Only this time, Dean sat snuggly by Castiel's side with their shoulders resting against one another's.

Castiel spent a long time just drinking his tea, watching as the contents swirled a little every time he took a sip. Dean seemed happy to just sit there, drinking his chocolate milk with the knowledge that Castiel wasn't going to kick him out. He still wanted Dean around. To what extent, he wasn't quite sure but he'd be happy to be there for Castiel, in any way he could be.

"Okay," Castiel finally said, looking determinedly at his tea. "You…like cuddling?" Castiel wasn't really sure how to approach this so he decided to just ask as factually as he could to get the right information. This was already a tricky subject for him. Beating around the bush would only confuse him further.

Dean nodded slowly, cautious with how much enthusiasm he showed. He didn't want to scare Castiel away. He'd said he'd never thought about anyone this way before. Dean wanted to make sure everything went right. He wanted to show him how good it could be to feel like this.

"I think…I do too," Castiel answered honestly. He'd never really been one for contact but sitting here with Dean. It was nice. Despite the reason, holding Dean upstairs felt good. He felt warm and safe. He'd like to try it when Dean wasn't crying, then he'd get a better perspective on the activity but from what he gathered, it wasn't a completely unpleasant experience.

Dean didn't say anything. He just waited for Castiel to speak. He didn't want to push Castiel and ask about anything else. If he liked cuddling. That had to be a good sign, right? There was no need to rush into this. He'd let Castiel discover things on his own. He didn't want to pressure him.

Castiel put his tea down on a coaster on the coffee table then carefully took Dean's chocolate milk from him and placed it on a coaster next to his own beverage. He looked back at Dean with a sheepish smile.

"H-How do we, um, cuddle sitting up?" He blushed shyly, knowing he must have sounded stupid but he'd never done it before. He'd seen it on TV but actually being a part of the moment made it seem all the more difficult to initiate.

Dean just smiled sweetly. He didn't laugh or scoff. In fact, he thought Castiel was actually quite adorable. He carefully slipped his arm around Castiel's waist and guided Castiel's arm to rest around his own middle. Being a little taller, he brought his other hand around to rest in Castiel's hair and guided him to lean against his shoulder.

Castiel tensed a little at first. When they'd first held each other it was for comfort. Castiel's mind simply focussed on making Dean feel better. Now. Now Castiel's mind was spinning with every detail and it made him feel a little uneasy. The sound of Dean's heartbeat speeding up. The way his breath hitched when they came closer together. He could feel the heat radiating off the other's skin. It was too much.

He pulled away a little, ready to run away but something stopped him. Dean was staring at him with soft eyes, his fingers gently caressing his hair. If this wasn't what 'like' meant, Castiel didn't want to know. He could feel himself relax and melt under Dean's tender touch. His eyes assuring and comforting and their was something about them that made Castiel forget all his doubts and fears.

Dean felt like his cheeks were on fire. He was blushing a lot but Castiel didn't seem to mind. He looked content. Just staring back at Dean with wide innocent eyes. Yet he didn't look scared. He looked…surprised? Curious? Maybe Dean had underestimated just how inexperienced Castiel was with intimacy. Every touch he made seemed to get a reaction out of the other. Even the simplest of touches, a light brush of his fingertip against the back of his neck sent a small gasp escaping the man's mouth. It was endearing really and Dean felt honoured to be allowed into Castiel's personal space like this.

Castiel closed his eyes as he saw Dean carefully dip his head down towards him. He thought he was going to try kissing him again. Castiel felt a strange obligation to reciprocate this time. He wasn't sure how he felt about Dean but he knew he wanted to kiss him. To see what it was like. How would he know if he wanted to kiss Dean if he'd never really experienced kissing before. But alas, to his disappointment again, Dean didn't kiss his lips.

Dean had pressed a tender sort of kiss to his temple. His lips lingered there for a while, more a press of skin than a kiss but Castiel felt himself melt under the touch regardless. He kept his eyes shut and just snuggled up closer to Dean, silently telling him he liked this. Being so close to him. Castiel didn't remember when he fell asleep, he just remembers being in Dean's arms and never having felt safer.

"You think we should wake them?" Sam whispered to Gabriel. They'd arrived at Castiel's later that evening, just to check their brothers were okay. That and to be nosy and see where things had gone since the phone call earlier.

"Nah," Gabriel smirked, watching as Castiel moved closer to Dean in his sleep. Dean wrapping his protective arm tighter around the shorter man. "I think we should get a picture." He fished out his phone and quickly snapped a photo of the sleeping pair. Dean's nose crinkled at the sound of the phone capturing their picture but he was too deep in sleep to register what the noise was. Besides, he was far too comfortable to wake up anytime soon.

Sam chuckled lightly, leaning his chin against Gabriel's shoulder as he wrapped his arms around the shorter man's waist to see the photo. "Perfect," he smiled, kissing Gabriel's cheek. "I'm so glad they're getting along."

"Me too," Gabriel agreed quietly. "You know, Castiel said he was going to try and make the wedding."

Sam pulled back a little, looking at Gabriel with a speechless expression. "You think he will?"

Gabriel looked over at Castiel. Seeing the small smile on his face as he buried his face into Dean's chest, searching for warmth. Gabriel couldn't help but smile at the sight.

"Yeah. I think he will."

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**I wrote this when I was angry so I'm really sorry if I've overshot it with the fluff. You guys are amazing xxxx**


	9. Chapter 9

"Oh God," Gabriel moaned, biting down on his lip hard to stop from crying out. His breathing was harsh and heavy in the silence of the room. Sam's chuckle vibrated against his chest as he held his fiancé close. Gabriel was sat in his lap and rutting against him slowly. Both half hard as they fooled around, kissing and groping each other carefree to the fact they were in the same room as their slumbering brothers.

Sam chuckled softly, rolling his eyes. "If I knew you were going to be such a screamer about it I wouldn't have suggested it." Another soft moan escaped him as Gabriel sucked on his neck.

"Hey, it ain't my fault. You're the one that jumped me," Gabriel protested weakly.

"I'm not the one that gets turned on at the thought of being caught," Sam countered with a raised eyebrow.

Gabriel caved, rolling his eyes. "Whatever. It's not my fault you're so damn sexy. I can't take you anywhere without gettin' my hands on you."

Sam chuckled, craning his neck up to kiss Gabriel. Short and sweet. Just like his fiancé.

A surprised yelp brought them out of their love-trance. Both Gabriel and Sam turned their heads in unison to look at Castiel and Dean on the couch. Both of whom had woken up and were very much aware of their surroundings.

Dean was the first to break away from the embrace, blushing deeply and avoiding Castiel's eyes at all costs. Castiel would be insulted if it weren't for the fact he was doing the very same thing. They were fine together. They'd established rules and understands but for someone to catch them in the act. It was all too much.

"Gabriel," Castiel hissed. His face was bright red and he was sure his cheeks were on fire. He could barely look in his brother's direction. He was so angry with him. He'd taken a step forward with Dean. He'd tried something new..and now it was exposed and even more vulnerable than before. Castiel didn't like it. He didn't like feeling this way but he didn't know how to make it go away.

"Relax, kiddo. It's just sex," Gabriel teased, loving the way his brother's eyes widened at the thought of Gabriel defiling his furniture. Either that or at just the thought of sex. It was hard to tell what went through that brain of his.

Sam could see the tips of Dean's ear blush. Never a good sign. Meant he was beyond uncomfortable. He immediately felt guilty. Sometimes he forgot they couldn't mess around like this. Take everything with a pinch of salt..because everything was an uphill struggle for their brothers. They couldn't afford to go back a few steps when it had taken so long to get this far. Sam cleared his throat, carefully peeling Gabriel out of his lap so he could stand up.

"I should probably take Dean home," Sam mumbled to Gabriel, giving him a look that said 'don't over do it'. Dean didn't even look at Castiel as he left. Too embarrassed or scared to say anything. He just kept his head down and followed Sam out to his car and they both left, leaving Castiel to deal with his mortifyingly blunt older brother.

"So," Gabriel drawled, coming to sit by Castiel on the couch. "Have you done anything yet?"

Castiel almost choked on his own spit. "Gabriel." He sounded shocked and disturbed. He'd heard his brother be crude with Sam but to be on the receiving end send chills down his spine. He didn't like it. He swallowed thickly, trying to ignore his brother but he was persistent.

"You banged?"

"What?!"

"You suck him off?"

"No. I-"

"You give him a hand?"

"I don't even know what that means."

Castiel's face was bright red and he seriously did not want to be having this conversation. Especially with his brother. He didn't like discussing sex. It was just one of those things. He hadn't learnt it in school, being home-taught the majority of the time. Even then, it was just a five minute video and a 'don't do it before marriage' talk. He never had sex so the topic never came up. Something he'd always been glad for.

"Brother you need to get an education," Gabriel preached like this was the most important thing in the world. "There's a whole other world out there, just waitin' ...and you're sittin' here with a stick up your ass. You really think Dean just wants to cuddle?"

Castiel wanted to protest but when Gabriel mentioned Dean it made him stop and think. "I..I thought. He said he liked cuddling." Yes. No, Dean had most certainly liked cuddling. It was because of that he was having this conversation with Gabriel in the first place.

Gabriel shrugged. "He's a grown man, kiddo. I'm sure that's not all he likes."

Castiel deadpanned, staring blankly at Gabriel. "I don't understand." Did he mean kissing? Dean had kissed him. That had been unexpected but something Castiel wasn't not willing to try again.

"Sex," Gabriel answered, frustrated he actually had to explain this to his brother. He knew Castiel lived under a rock when it came to most things but he didn't realize he was this clueless.

"Oh," Castiel said, his eyes widening as his breathing came in a little faster.

Gabriel gave him a sympathetic look and patted his shoulder before standing up to make for the door. "All I'm sayin' is, be prepared." Gabriel left shortly after that but Castiel didn't notice. He was too busy repeating the last two words Gabriel said over and over in his head.

Be prepared.

"Be prepared. Be prepare," he repeated aloud, under his breath. "I-I can do that." Dean was more outgoing. He could have met people. Had relationships. Maybe one night-stands. Dean was attractive. He wouldn't put it past him to be a…a…a non-virgin.

"Oh God," Castiel panicked, scrubbing his hands through his hair. Dean knew about this stuff. He'd tried to kiss Castiel before. It was nice but..was Dean really expecting more out of their relationship? He'd never even considered..

His breathing began to thin out and he had to curl up against the back of the couch, counting to ten until he could get his breath back. Okay. Dean may or may not want to involve sexual activities in their relationship. That was fine..he thought. Just as long as he understood exactly what it was Dean may or may not want from him..and what exactly giving him a hand meant.

As it turned out. Giving him a hand wasn't exactly as crude as he thought it would be. Knowing his brother, he'd expected..well the worst. He'd logged onto his computer and search around a little, establishing what exactly he might expect Dean to ask of him. It took him four attempts to even watch a video. He kept turning off the screen or averting his eyes after a glimpse at the screen. He couldn't stop blushing and imagining the people partaking where him and Dean.

Castiel shook his head, eventually giving up trying to understand how exactly deep-throating worked. If movies had taught him anything. It was that when the right man came along and kissed you and it felt right, everything else would fall into place. So that settled it. Castiel had to kiss Dean. He had to kiss Dean and find out if what they had was true.

He tapped his fingers against his desk thrice before picking up his phone and texted Dean. It took over an hour to compose the message, pressing send hesitantly before standing up from his chair to pace the room nervously as he waited for a reply.

Twenty minutes later and Castiel had his answer. Tomorrow evening. Castiel would kiss Dean and he will not be afraid. A moment later he fell to his knees, trembling violently as he realized just how committed he'd become. God help him.

* * *

**Whoops.**

**Guys I'm sorry. I have no idea what's happening.**

**On a different note. I have Tumblr now. If you want to follow me my username is "metallic shadows" I'd love you forever :D**


	10. Chapter 10

Castiel hadn't slept well. He was too busy thinking about Dean. How he'd try to kiss him. If he'd go through with it and when. He was currently nursing a much needed cup of tea on his spot on the couch when a knock at the door stirred him from his thoughts. He blinked twice, set down his green mug of tea and stood up.

When he got to the door. Not only did he find a bashful looking Dean, smiling nervously at him, but he also found a toffee coloured ball of fur in his arms. He blinked in confusion. It seemed to be a puppy. He couldn't tell. It was too curled up, its face hidden against the crook of Dean's elbow. Oh. Butterscotch. He'd forgotten about him. Dean had mentioned owning a puppy. He also remembered telling Dean to bring him round sometime.

Maybe Dean's timing was on purpose. Using the dog as a barrier between them after what had happened last time. Castiel suddenly felt a little more comfortable about today. He smiled a little at Dean and stepped to the side to let him in.

He noticed the slight dusting of snow on Dean's shoulders and couldn't help but reach out to brush it away as if he had the right to do so. Dean didn't seem to mind though, blushing endearingly and nuzzling a little against the sleeping pup.

"I guess it's still snowing?" Castiel asked, needing something to say.

Dean nodded, a small smile stretching his lips. The puppy began to stir in his arms, making small whining noises and wriggled to get comfy in Dean's arm. Castiel watched as the puppy blinked awake, looking sleepily over in his direction before turning his head to seek for his master.

"Butterscotch?" Castiel asked, again, wanting to say anything to avoid the topic of yesterday.

Dean nodded, grinning with pride as Butterscotch turned onto his back to allow Dean to scratch his belly. He barked happily. He wasn't as noisy as Castiel had expected. He was actually quite tame and..if he were honest, quite adorable. He was more of a cat person but he was sure he could make an exception for Butterscotch.

He hesitantly held out his hand, petting beneath the puppy's chin. His own hand brushed against Dean's but neither mentioned it or stopped the contact. Butterscotch let out a small, happy yelp. His head tilted so he could reach Castiel and lick his hand in appreciation. Dean let out a small giggle, shocking both men.

It wasn't often Dean made noises. Mostly it was when he was happy. As far as Dean knew. His voice-box wasn't damaged. He could speak and make sounds just fine. It was the psychological side that stopped him from doing it. The trauma of seeing both his parents die stunned him into silence. He didn't mind being mute. He'd gotten used to it long ago but he did take little victories in being able to produce sounds when he really wanted to.

Castiel heard the noise and was pretty sure he wanted to hear it again and again. It was so adorable and just..just Dean. He grinned happily, laughing a little before walking into the kitchen to wash his hands after being licked and slavered on. He scrubbed his hands for two minutes with soap before rinsing with water and turning back to Dean.

Dean had put Butterscotch on the floor who sat there obediently while his master spoke to Castiel. Dean wore a small blush and played absently with the hem of his shirt whilst he looked at Butterscotch before looking back up at Castiel.

I have to go to the bathroom. Could you watch him for me?

Castiel looked down at Butterscotch who was staring happily back up at him, panting lightly with his tongue hanging from his mouth. Castiel couldn't help but smile at the sight. He'd really have to rethink not being a dog person.

"Of course," he said in reply to Dean, shooting his a small smile and watched as he left the room to go upstairs. Almost as soon as Dean was gone the puppy began to get excited and began bounding around Castiel's feet, yelping happily. Castiel found it hard to keep up with Butterscotch, keeping track of where he was. Butterscotch had run through the house and to the backdoor. There was a cat flap there from when Castiel used to own a cat. Butterscotch, still being a puppy, managed to squeezed through the flap and run out and into the garden.

Castiel swallowed thickly, without hesitation swung open the backdoor and ran after Butterscotch. It was still snowing outside. Already a good 3/4 of a foot had settle and Castiel didn't want Dean's puppy to get ill from the cold or get lost in the snow.

"Butterscotch," he called out, trying to find him but it was proving difficult with the snow so deep. Butterscotch could be trapped under the snow and Castiel wouldn't be able to find him. That's when he saw a big indent in the snow. He quickly ran across to it and fished out the puppy, holding him at arms length as he wriggled off the snow on his fur.

Despite everything, Castiel couldn't help but laugh at the sight. As Butterscotch tried to blink the snow out of his eyes and yelp happily, waggling his tail. Castiel turned around to go back inside when it hit him. He was outside. His face dropped as he slowly looked around him. He felt calm and relax and yet he was here. In the cold, outside. Somewhere he most feared. He felt tears run down his face as a warm body stood beside him, carefully taking the puppy from him.

It was Dean. He looked up to see Dean just as worried, looking around them as if to ask why he was out here. How he'd gotten out here. If Castiel wasn't so blinded by his tear he swore he could almost see a small, proud smile tracing Dean's lips. He was also pretty sure he was wearing one of his own.

Castiel pulled Dean close. His hands in his hair and against the back of his neck as he tilted his head up just enough to give Dean a warm, meaningful kiss. He pulled away just enough to blush and laugh nervously. Afraid he'd done the wrong thing. Butterscotch yelped happily between them but was once again ignored when Dean moved in again to kiss Castiel back. This time everything had gone right and Castiel was sure Dean was the one.


	11. Chapter 11

Butterscotch didn't go unnoticed for long. They'd made it back inside and into the warmth. Dean had placed Butterscotch on the floor and had attended to his needs, placing a plastic bowl full of water onto the floor beside him. He was instantly distracted and lapped up the water swiftly with his tongue. Dean watched him for a moment before standing up to find Castiel stood beside him preparing two mugs of hot chocolate.

Dean bit his lip, watching Castiel make beverages for them, like this is what they did everyday. It felt so domestic. So right. He carefully slipped a hand to press against Castiel's right hip so his arm was warm and solid, pressed against the other's back. He waited a moment, watching Castiel's reaction.

They'd kissed. He should have expected this, shouldn't he? The small touches. They didn't have to mean anything, right? They could just be friendly. Nothing sexual about this..but Castiel couldn't help but wonder if that was where Dean's intentions really lay.

"Do you want to have sex with me?" Castiel asked bluntly, looking up at Dean with a curious expression.

Dean blinked, letting his hand fall away from Castiel as he pulled away enough to look at Castiel's face.

How about we start with the hot chocolate?

Dean looked around awkwardly and was blushing deeply. Something Castiel found endearing but right now was finding it frustrating when he wasn't given an answer.

"I'm serious," Castiel said, schooling his expression.

Dean fidgeted for a while, biting his lip. Butterscotch had walked off into the other room to curl up on Castiel's fluffy rug in front of the couch. Dean finally looked back up at Castiel, hot and flustered.

Maybe. Not right now if that's what you're asking.

Castiel contemplated this for what seemed like an eternity, nodding and humming in thought.

"But would you want to?" he asked, needing to be clear.

I'm not forcing you to..but yes. I would.

"Alright. Let's..go have sex," Castiel said almost clinically causing Dean to burst into a fit of giggles. Castiel gave him a confused look, tilting his head a little as he tried to process where he'd gone wrong. Dean cupped his face gently and kissed him chastely.

Neither of us are ready for that yet. It'll come when it comes. No pun intended.

Castiel didn't understand the joke but it didn't matter. He was still trying to figure out what Dean meant. In the movies, when the couple kissed they fell straight into bed with one another. Isn't that what was supposed to happen here? He tried not to think about it too much. Dean had said he wasn't ready either. For now, he'd follow his lead.

Dean had finished making the hot chocolate for Castiel and was currently squirting the whipped cream on top. He put the canister down once he was done, sucking the cream which had caught on his finger quickly before picking up the mugs and carried them into the living-room for Castiel.

Castiel could only follow through to the living-room to find Butterscotch fast asleep on the floor. He smiled softly at him, sitting down on the couch next to Dean. He picked up mug and drank the hot chocolate slowly, enjoying the comfortable silence that sat between him and Dean.

Castiel laughed when Dean pulled away his cup to reveal a smudge of cream on the end of his nose. Dean went cross eyed to see what Castiel was looking at before he began laughing too. Castiel stretched out his finger and scooped the cream up, sucking his finger, not realizing Dean had stopped laughing and was staring at him intently.

Beautiful.

Dean gently pulled Castiel's hand away from his mouth and kissed him, soft and tender. Castiel managed to put his cup on the table as well as Dean's so they could assume their cuddle position. A few kisses and extra touches thrown in for good measure. It was nice. Experimenting with new sensations. It didn't feel rushed or strange. It felt right and like they had all the time in the world.

* * *

**It's so cliché and fluffy, I want to throw in some ****unnecessary angst. **


	12. Chapter 12

Two weeks went by. Dean came over every other day after work to Castiel's. They'd watch movies, sit in the garden, play with Butterscotch, have dinner. Dean even managed to get Castiel to walk with him down the street. It was short lived though when it began to rain but neither seemed to mind when they got to wrap up in the warmth of Castiel's home, with mugs of tea and kisses under yet another one of Castiel's blanket forts.

It was Wednesday afternoon when Dean knocked on the door with a small nervous expression. Castiel cocked his head in confusion, leaning forward to peck Dean's lips but his anxious expression remained causing Castiel to pull back in concern.

"Is everything alright, Dean?" he asked, worry evident in his voice when Dean had yet to say anything. They weren't scheduled to meet for another hour or so. Castiel felt uneasy not keeping to plans but when it came to Dean, he didn't mind as much. He felt comfortable around him.

I was going to buy Sam and Gabriel a wedding present.

Castiel stared blankly at Dean. "Okay," he said simply, looking Dean up and down in confusion. "So..why are you here?" He noticed the way Dean flinched a little and he bit his lip guiltily. "N-Not that I don't like having you around. It's just..well you usually go to a store to buy things."

Dean scrubbed the back of his neck nervously. He wouldn't look at him properly and that made Castiel's chest well up with worry. This wouldn't be good.

I thought you might want to come with me.

Yup. Called it. "I..Dean, I ah…you know I can't do that," he said almost regrettably. He hated not being able to go out with Dean but it was hard. He'd been getting better, yes, but to go to a store? That was a step Castiel wasn't sure he could take. It was too much.

I won't push you but how are you gonna make it to Gabriel's wedding if you can't even go to the store?

Dean had a point. He swallowed thickly. He couldn't possibly do this. It was too much. He bit his lip worryingly in thought. He really did want to see his brother get married. This would be a good step to take. He had Dean here. It'd be fine. Wouldn't it? He had to try…right?

Dean took a tentative step forward, cupping Castiel's cheek softly so he could peck Castiel's lips tenderly before stepping back again.

I've got the car. If anything happens we'll drive straight home. I promise.

Castiel looked over Dean's shoulder to see a 1967 Chevy Impala in almost mint condition parked in his driveway. He looked back at Dean to see him sporting a hopeful yet supportive look. He gave a nervous smile and nodded timidly. "I-I'll just get my keys," he said quietly, retreating back into the house to take a deep breath and gather his nerves and his possessions.

Dean was nervous. They hadn't taken it this far yet but he wanted to help Castiel get better. Castiel may not know it but he inspired him. He was helping him gain confidence to speak again. He hadn't said much but he'd managed to bark back at Butterscotch one morning, causing the little puppy to fall off the bed in shock. Making Dean laugh to the point of crying. It'd been an emotional morning to say the least.

Castiel returned a few minutes later with a slightly giddy expression. He was nervous as hell but he thought he could do this. Dean hadn't warned him in advance. It was spontaneous and in the moment. Castiel could do this. Not think about it and just go with it. That was the way to get through this right?

Dean looked Castiel over and noticed the way he trembled ever so slightly. He wrapped him up in his arms and kissed him sweetly, trying to distract him for the initial step of what might be the biggest step they'd taken so far. Castiel kissed back and Dean felt him relax against him. He took that as a good sign as he pulled back enough to lead Castiel out to the car.

Castiel was hesitant, obviously but once they were in the car and outside the store. Castiel started laughing nervously. Dean looked at him curiously and Castiel rubbed the back of his neck absently with trembling, sweaty hands.

"I-I've been getting Gabriel to buy my groceries from here f-for 20 years. I-I don't think I've ever been inside a Walmart before," Castiel said, voice wavering and thick with emotion.

Dean bit his lip and held his hand out for Castiel, entwining their fingers and keeping him close. He pressed a soft kiss to his temple. Letting Castiel know he was here and he'd be okay.

Tentatively, Dean began to walk into the store. Castiel plodding along after him with nervous wide eyes which looked around in awe. He was left speechless. The place was so big and colourful and everything was arranged by assortments of food. Everything had a place and everything was labelled. Castiel could find the exits quickly if he wanted to. It didn't seem too bad. Now that he was here.

He squeezed Dean's hand a little as they looked around. Dean stopped every so often to make sure Castiel was okay. When he said he'd manage, they continued, walking through the store and picking up things as they went, putting them into a basket Dean was carrying with his other hand.

They got to the appliance section. Dean picked up a waffle iron like it wasn't a tough choice to make and they made their way to the checkout. The shop took twelve minutes to buy eighteen items. Dean didn't waste time and knew what he wanted. Castiel was impressed and glad for it. He didn't want to be there any longer than necessary.

The checkout girl had blue highlights and a disgusted look on her face. Castiel was oblivious as to why and just stood there, keeping a tight grip on Dean's hand. When it was their turn to be served she simply rolled her eyes, put the items through the scanner and said. "Homosexuality is a sin."

Castiel's eyes widened between Dean and the girl. He didn't know what to say to that. Even if he could. He wouldn't be able to. His heart sped up a bit. The people in the cue behind them were watching and he felt like they were on display. Dean was signing to her but she just scoffed again.

"I'm sorry. I don't speak retard."

Dean's face reddened, out of anger or embarrassment, Castiel wasn't sure. When he signed to ask for the manager, Castiel tugged on his sleeve like a lost child and looked at him with watery wide eyes, pleading for him not to make a scene. If not for him then for Castiel's sake.

Dean got the message, deflating a little. He pulled out his wallet and threw some notes at her, picked up their stuff and stormed off, leaving Castiel to quickly trotter alongside him.

They made it out to the car where Castiel proceeded to clamber into the backseat and sob violently. His face burning red as he let out all the emotion and stress he'd been trying to keep in to appear normal. For once. Just to go to the shops without having an emotional breakdown amongst the organic produce.

Dean had put the items in the trunk when he looked around for Castiel. He couldn't see him and began to panic. He bit his lip nervously, looking through the passenger seat window to see if he was already in the car but he wasn't there. It was only when he went to move away did he see something move in the backseat. He saw Castiel there. Crying. And it broke his heart.

He went around the other side of the car and got in the back, closing the door gently. Castiel heard him though, and looked up. Looking mortified and embarrassed. "I-I'm so s-s-s-orry," he sobbed.

Again, Dean's heart sank and all he could do was gather the lost soul up in his arms and hold him close. He wished he could tell Castiel how much he loved him. How much he wished he didn't have to suffer like this. But he couldn't. He wasn't strong enough to do that. All he could do was press a tender kiss to Castiel's temple and wish for his Castiel to calm down.

It took twenty minutes of just holding and kissing Castiel for him to calm down. When he did, he couldn't look at Dean. Too ashamed that he'd messed everything up again. That's when he first heard it. In the back of Dean's Impala having a nervous breakdown outside of Walmart. Dean's first words.

"I-I'm..pr-proud of you."

* * *

**Um. Whoops?**


	13. Chapter 13

Castiel stopped crying just enough to look up at Dean in wonderment. His eyes were sharp and clear blue as tears continued to well around the bottom lid. As he blinked the water would trickle over and down his cheek, causing streams of tears to dribble off his chin. His lip quivered causing Castiel to nip lightly at his lower lip to stop the trembling. He looked a complete mess but that didn't stop Dean from pressing loving kisses to his forehead as he carefully tried to clean his face.

Dean had just said he was proud of him. Out loud. And with a voice. It was rough with misuse and sounded a bit like he'd been eating sand for the past eight years but it was a voice. And it was Dean's.

"I-I'm proud of you too, Dean," he stuttered, smiling in disbelief. Dean had spoken. To him. HIM. There was no way he was worthy enough to be the first person Dean had ever spoken to. He felt guilty that he'd heard Dean speak before Sam had. His own brother. "S-So p-pr-oud."

Dean's cheeks felt numb they hurt that much from smiling. He'd finally taken that step and he'd managed to break through the wall a little. He still felt nervous and weird about saying things aloud but he'd get there. With Castiel there to continue to guide and inspire him. He pressed his hand to Castiel's cheek, dipping his head down to capture Castiel's lips in a deep, meaningful kiss that seemed to go on for hours. Both expressing just how glad they were to have the other in their lives.

When they finally broke apart. Castiel was left breathless and was no longer crying or shaking. Whilst Dean looked smug but blushed timidly at the fact the expression came so easily to him. Castiel let out a small nervous laugh, dipping his head a little to hide his smile. Dean caught him, however, cupping his cheek to lift his head back up so he could meet his eyes.

It took a moment for Castiel to register where they were again and turned a deep red colour, pulling away from Dean and fiddled with his hands nervously. "C-Can you take me home, please?" he asked quickly, shooting Dean a quick smile to say everything was okay. He just wanted to go home.

Dean nodded, getting out the car with Castiel to move into the front seat. He turned on the engine and drove back to Castiel's glancing over at him every so often to check he was okay. When they got there Castiel remained quiet, looking down at his hands in his lap and counted to ten steadily.

1..2..3..4..5..6.. "Would you like to stay for dinner?" he finally asked, feeling comfortable and confident enough to ask Dean to stay despite the short notice.

Dean just smiled, turning off the engine and pocketed his keys. "I-I.." he cleared his throat, blushing a little. "I'd l-love to." He made a small breathless noise, sort of like a nervous giggle at the sound of his own voice. He wasn't used to it but the way it made Castiel's eyes light up when he heard it made him want to speak more often.

Castiel just grinned, dipping his head back down as he got out the car, fishing out his keys as he walked up to his house and let himself in. Dean followed on behind, toeing off his shoes with Castiel as they lined them up neatly against the side of the stairs.

Dean closed the door behind them and shrugged out of his jacket, hanging it up on the coatrack before moving closer to Castiel. He wrapped his arms around Castiel's waist, pulling him flush against him and kissed him deeply. To his surprise. Castiel didn't gasp or resist. He stepped into the embrace and reciprocated almost immediately, like he'd anticipated it. Castiel was getting used to this. Used to them. It made Dean's lips curve into a smile against Castiel's and deepen the kiss.

Castiel didn't know what he was doing. He was being spontaneous and that scared the hell out of him. But he was kissing Dean and it felt good and right and it barely even registered when Dean pressed them up against the wall. This should have scared him, feeling out of control like this. But he found himself too enticed by Dean to care enough to push him away.

A small moan escaped his throat causing Castiel's eyes to widen in shock. That caught his attention. He pulled back enough to meet Dean's eyes. His green dished eyes almost covered black. Lips plump and parted as his tongue darted across his lower lip. He looked dishevelled and care-free and so strangely beautiful like this.

"D-Dean," he breathed, blushing hard. "W-we have to stop."

Dean looked confused and slightly hurt. Everything had been going great. Castiel looked and sounded like he'd been enjoying it. He understood Castiel was new to these things but he'd spotted no negative signs from Castiel about the experience. He couldn't understand what the problem was.

"I-I'm getting an erection," he mumbled, embarrassed. He tried to move away from Dean but he had him pinned against the wall. Suddenly, he couldn't breathe. He felt trapped. His breathing rate picked up to the point that Dean noticed and moved away, pressing a steady hand to his shoulder and led him into the living-room to sit on the couch. Dean disappeared for a moment. Only to return with a glass of water which he handed to Castiel.

Castiel took a deep breath, sipping the water and counted to ten. When he got to nine. He felt better and gave Dean an apologetic look. His erection was gone and so was the moment. He'd ruined things. Again. "I'm j-just not ready," he explained, his voice full of disappointment.

Dean gave Castiel an assuring smile, reaching out for Castiel's hand and gave it a light squeeze.

We'll get there. Now how about that dinner?

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**asdfghjklkjhgfdsdfghjklkjh i love you all.**


	14. Chapter 14

Dinner was a success. Dean had kept his respectable distance, giving Castiel the space he needed after the half successful make-out session. Castiel had appreciated Dean's patience and rewarded him with a timid kiss at the door. Both had blushed and promised to see each other again soon.

Exactly four days later, Castiel got a phone call from Gabriel. He'd just finished dining with Dean and was currently snuggled up to the other man on the couch. He blushed a little, excusing himself from Dean and retired into the other room to answer the call.

"Hello?"

"Kiddo, good news. I've managed to arrange for the tailor to come to you. Now. I've got the appointment for myself tomorrow at the store but she said she can swing by around 4 to get you fitted for your tux. Is that okay?"

Castiel swallowed thickly, contemplating. He didn't exactly want a stranger in his home, touching him and pinning clothing to him. The thought alone made him shudder a bit. Maybe this was a test. Gabriel was seeing how far he was willing to commit. Whether he'd actually go through with his word and attend the wedding. He'd made it to the store, right? Maybe..maybe he could do this too.

"I-I can't," he lied, biting his lip. "I have plans."

Gabriel was silent for a moment. "Oh. Okay, kiddo. No big deal. Not like it's my wedding or anything. I'll..I'll figure something out." And with that Gabriel hung up the phone. Castiel sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. Gabriel had sounded stressed. He hadn't exactly seen his brother as often on the account of the wedding being two weeks away. He supposed that was fair. He had other things to attend to.

He felt guilty though. Truly he did. He should be offering to help, being Gabriel's brother and all. But there was only so much he could do, being a shut in. So that's why he'd lied about being busy. He wanted to make it up to Gabriel in some small way. He wanted to surprise Gabriel. He wanted to show him he could do these things. Be normal if only for a little while.

The only problem was, last time Castiel had left the house, Dean had been with him. Eventually, Castiel came to a decision. He nodded slightly to himself and hesitantly walked back into the living room to find Dean sat on the couch, smiling up at him. Dean's smile faltered a little when he saw the worried look on Castiel's face. Before Dean could ask, Castiel sat back down beside him, reaching for his hand and began to explain.

"Gabriel's getting fitted tomorrow," he said quickly before his brain had a chance to catch up and tell him this was a bad idea. "F-For the wedding and..well I want to go with him. S-Surprise him but..I'm afraid and well..y-you've been there for me, Dean. I-I was hoping you could.."

Dean interrupted him, pressing the palm of his hand to Castiel's cheek, making him look at him so he could sign.

_I'd be honoured. _

Dean pressed a small, chaste kiss to Castiel's stunned expression and smirked a little.

_Getting to see you in a tux has always been a dream of mine. _

Castiel let out a small surprised chuckled, dipping his head away from Dean to try and hide his blush. Dean was getting more and more comfortable around Castiel and yet it still came as a bit of a shock to him when Dean came out with things like that. He really could be cheeky when he wanted to be.

Dean pressed another small kiss to the corner of Castiel's mouth, soft and tender. Castiel couldn't help but tilt his towards Dean, their noses squishing together lightly as he made the kiss a little more than just a peck. Dean was more than happy to oblige, running a hand into Castiel's hair to bring him closer.

Castiel gasped, pulling back a little breathless. He watched Dean watching him with concerned eyes. It made his heart melt. Dean could drop his own needs just like that to make sure Castiel was okay. It made him feel special. That Dean would do so much for him.

_Are you okay? We don't have to do anything._

Castiel shook his head, laughing a little. "I-I'm fine," he assured, brushing a thumb over Dean's cheekbone. "I'm fine," he whispered, pressing his lips back against Dean's. And the thing is. He was telling the truth. He really was fine. This, being here with Dean. A few months ago this would have scared the hell out of him but now. Now he felt more confident and comfortable with another human being than he had in his whole life.

Dean moaned softly as the kiss deepened and their tongues met. Castiel was breathing heavily, clutching to Dean's shoulders almost desperately. Almost clinging to the small chance that they could get further this time. Dean seemed to notice Castiel's eagerness and grinned, sliding his hand down Castiel's side to rest against his thigh, rubbing his hand there encouragingly as their kisses became more heated.

Castiel had never felt more alive and frightened in his life. His hands somehow managed to loosen just enough to trail down from Dean's shoulders, down to his waist. His hands stayed there, too scared to move further down but he could feel arousal building quickly in the pit of his stomach. He squirmed a little under Dean's touch, feeling his erection brush uncomfortably against his jeans. Dean seemed to notice, pulling away with a worried look. His eyes blown out black and his lips were wet and plump from kissing and Castiel was blushing so damn hard from how attractive he found that.

_We can stop. If you're…getting aroused. _

Dean didn't want to stop. If he had his way he'd have taken Castiel to bed already. Made love to him and hold him through the night. But that wasn't meant to be. Not yet anyway. Castiel was too inexperienced and naive. He couldn't take advantage of that. He liked Castiel too much to do that.

Castiel swallowed thickly and shook his head. "I-I-I want to keep going," he said nervously, biting his lip. He didn't exactly know what that meant but he hoped Dean would understand and help him out. Dean had more experience than he did. He'd understand..right?

Dean paused for a moment, looking Castiel over to see if he was serious. He didn't want to push Castiel into this. He wanted him to enjoy this. He wanted him to be sure. He pressed a soft, chaste kiss to Castiel's lip, pulling back enough to give Castiel a moment to think this through.

_If it's too much. I'll stop. All you've got to do is say, okay?_

With a nod of understanding, Dean dipped his head and pressed nervous kisses to Castiel's neck. He hadn't been as worried before but now his heart was pounding against his chest. He felt anxious to get this right. To show Castiel a good time. If he didn't enjoy it, Castiel may never want to do it again and Dean would suffer in the long haul if sex could never be a part of the equation. A man has needs. And after meeting Castiel. Dean never wanted anyone else again.

Soft moans escaped Castiel, his hands clutching onto Dean's shoulders and hair as the other moved down his body, kissing any exposed skin he could find. He was breathing heavily, feeling out of control and at Dean's will. It was terrifying, feeling like this. Not knowing what Dean would do. But he trusted him. He knew that much. And he knew Dean would never hurt him.

Dean's mouth had moved down to Castiel's crotch. His lips dragged across the denim, causing Castiel to let out a small nervous yelp which soon petered out into a moan as fingers brushed against his erection. Oh God. He should tell him to stop. Tell him he's not ready for this. Another soft moan escaped him and he hadn't even realized when Dean had lowered himself onto the floor to kneel between Castiel's legs but there he was.

"Dean.." he breathed, tipping his head back against the back of the couch as Dean dipped his hand into his pants, feeling his hard cock. The hand remained still for a moment as Dean just watched Castiel's expression, seeing if he was okay with this. When Castiel didn't protest or seem to be in any discomfort , Dean continued. His hands fumbled with Castiel's boxers, pulling them down enough to wrap his hand around Castiel's cock.

Castiel's mind went blank. He felt like time had stopped. His heart was pounding heavily, trying to keep up with his erratic breathing. His hands clenched into fists by his sides, misshaping the couch cushions. He looked down just in time to see Dean take the head of his cock into his mouth. A ragged gasp escaped his mouth as he looked around quickly to see if anyone was watching them. He felt so dirty for doing this in the middle of his own living room on a weekday afternoon but that wasn't enough to stop Dean from pleasuring him in ways he'd never felt before.

Dean was surprised by how quickly Castiel came. It was so unexpected and sudden, he almost choked but he recovered just in time to see Castiel's blissed out face as he swallowed him down. His own arousal building as he stroked himself over the edge, watching Castiel regain his senses.

It took almost ten minutes for Castiel to full regain his senses. Dean was knelt below him, his cheek pressed against his knee with a look of pure pleasure on his face. Castiel wasn't sure what he was supposed to do now and found himself saying the only thought that came to mind.

"So that's what deep throating is."

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**Sorry this took so long xx**


	15. Chapter 15

That night Dean stayed over. Making it more efficient to just get up and go to the tailor's in town tomorrow morning. It also meant less time for Castiel to think about everything that could go wrong. Dean, as the gentleman he was, had offered to sleep on the couch. He didn't want to push Castiel any further. It'd taken them this long to get as far as they had. He didn't want to overstep his boundaries on their first night of intimacy.

Castiel thanked him, apologizing breathlessly in between small kisses. "It'll get easier right?" Castiel asked, biting his lower lip before Dean's thumb ran across it, smoothing out the skin. His nod assured Castiel that it wouldn't always be like this. That it'd get easier once he was more comfortable being with Dean like this. More open and vulnerable. Something he hated but something he was willing to try to do. For Dean.

Castiel went to bed after giving Dean a bundle of blankets, pillows and a last goodnight kiss that seemed to last forever. Dean had made his bed and fallen asleep on the couch with a content smile on his face. Feeling better after taking their relationship to a new level. Even if it was just a baby step.

Waking up to the sound of water running, Dean rolled over onto his back and blinked sleepily up at the ceiling. Castiel was in the shower. Naked. The thought alone of being this close to a naked Castiel made Dean blush. They'd get there..but he couldn't help but wonder what he looked like. Whether the man's blush cross over his neck and chest too. Whether he had beauty spots or freckles or marks that held memories that made him laugh or cry. He wanted to learn Castiel. Body and soul.

He hadn't realized he'd been daydreaming when Castiel stood over him, hair still damp and with the warmest of smiles. "Good morning, Dean," he greeted, eyes lighting up a little as he saw Dean return the smile. "The bathroom is free. There's towels on the side, the blue ones and um..I'll make us some breakfast for when you come down."

Dean had rolled off of the couch, coming to stand by Castiel. He wrapped his arms carefully around Castiel's waist and pressed a tender kiss to his cheek. Castiel was the best. The way he treated him with such kindness. Most people just pitied him. What with his muteness and all. But not Castiel. It's like he barely even noticed Dean was a bit different. He supposed it was because Castiel was too.

Castiel blushed when Dean held him and touched him so lovingly. He pressed his hands to Dean's shoulders, unsure where else to put them and returned the kiss, angling his head so he could press his lips to the skin of Dean's cheek. He could get used to this. It was certainly a nice way to greet the day. With so much love and consideration. It made him feel all the more confident about this afternoon. He watched as Dean took a step back and headed upstairs to shower.

Castiel went into the kitchen and began making breakfast for them. Tea, bacon, eggs, toast and pancakes. He'd set the table out with the assortment of food and was just pouring them both a glass of orange juice when Dean returned. He smiled at the other as he took a seat at the table and admired the food with hungry eyes. Castiel tried not to think about how appealing it was that Dean smelt like him. He took his own seat and put three pancakes onto his plate, covering them in maple syrup before adding blueberries from the small bowl which sat between them on the table.

"T-This," Dean croaked, voice still rough from misuse. It made Castiel look up from his plate. Attention entirely on Dean. His eyes wide. Still shocked to hear Dean's voice. "…'s amazing," Dean finished with a sheepish expression on his face. Probably just as shocked as Castiel was by his own voice.

Castiel felt a sudden warmth flow through him. He hesitantly held his hand out for Dean. The other soon linked their fingers together before squeezing Castiel's hand lightly. "Thank you," Castiel said sincerely. Not just for this but for everything. For last night. Dean had really helped him come out of his shell and he couldn't help but think with pride that he'd done the same for Dean.

Things were easy after that. They ate in companionable silence. Dean offered to wash the dishes but Castiel declined. He was his guest after all. But that didn't stop Dean from helping anyway. He could be persistent like that. Once everything was put away in its correct place. Castiel hugged Dean tightly, taking the other by surprise and almost knocked him off his feet.

"Sorry," Castiel mumbled shyly, taking a step back as he scratched the back of his head. "I-I just..think you're great. That's all." God he was an idiot. He didn't know how these things worked. How you're supposed to use physical contact to show your affections. But Dean didn't seem to mind. He just made a small noise in the back of his throat, one close to a chuckle before nudging his nose lightly against Castiel's and kissed him endearingly.

Castiel blushed and smiled up at Dean when he moved away. "We should be going," he said breathlessly, still just watching the way Dean looked at him. Like he was the most precious thing in the world. Dean took a moment before nodding, fishing his car keys out of his pocket and walked into the hallway, putting on his shoes with Castiel doing the same.

A final kiss before they left and then they were in the Impala and on their way to town. 'American Woman' was playing on the radio. Dean's large hands tapped against the steering wheel in time with the beat as if they had a mind of their own. Castiel should have been worried Dean wasn't using the ten and two position but from what he observed, Dean was a safe driver and he trusted him. Besides it was endearing to see him look so happy and carefree. Letting the music wash over him. It was like it was a second voice for him. It was beautifully sad, watching Dean mouth along to the words.

Six minutes later and they were in the centre of town, parked outside the tailor's. Castiel was staring wide eyed up at the store. His body was trembling a little but Dean reached out for his hand. Grounding him. Keeping him distracted. Telling him it'd be okay.

Inside, Gabriel was stood on a small platform, dressed in a standard tuxedo with an elderly gentleman taking his measurements and pinning the garments where they'd need to be brought in and altered to fit Gabriel. The jacket was done and was taken off to be put to the side so the man could work on the waistcoat and show Gabriel different colours and styles.

Gabriel had brought the shirt he'd be wearing so he could visualize what the whole outfit would look like together. He hummed in thought as he looked through the different samples of material and colours. "I'm thinkin' the gold. I want my eyes to sparkle," he said with a cheeky grin which made the man laugh before nodding and walked away to find a waistcoat out back.

Gabriel's phone rang and he waddled off the podium, pins still in his dress pants as he rifled through his jean pockets to retrieve his phone. "Hey babe," he grinned, seeing Sam's name flash up on the screen. "Yeah, I'm just at the tailors," he said, going back to the podium to look in the mirror and admire himself. "No. I'm not showing you. You'll just have to wait," he snorted, grinning idiotically.

"Aw, that's sweet," Gabriel murmured, moving about on the spot. "Well I've still got to finish up here. Then I've got to speak with the bakers, pick up Kali's dress. Oh yeah, then head over to Cas' to get him suited up." The tailor came back out with two different shades of Gold for Gabriel to try on.

Gabriel was silent as Sam spoke on the phone and he held his left hand out for the tailor to hand him the lighter shade. He fumbled to put the garment on whilst still on the phone. "Yeah. I know. I just hope he goes through with this. It won't be the same without my little bro there."

He looked at himself in the mirror with the waistcoat on and nodded at the tailor who started fussing over him and adjusted the garment with pins to shape Gabriel's body. "Alright, babe. I'll see you tonight. Love ya." He hung up the phone and tossed it to the side on the table and let the tailor get back to work properly. "Sorry about that," he said with a small smile. "You know what fiancé's are like. Gotta check in every ten minutes to make sure you still love 'em."

The tailor laughed and nodded. "Always the way," he agreed, putting a few pins between his lips to make it easier to hold as he used his hands to press the fabric together. The stores bell chimed lightly as Castiel and Dean came in. Castiel holding Dean's hand tightly. They just stood there for a while, waiting the patiently. The tailor still busy with a fussing Gabriel who kept worrying the shape would make him look heavy. It wasn't until Gabriel looked up did he see Castiel in the mirror.

"Fuck me," Gabriel gasped, startling the tailor as the swung around to see Castiel standing sheepishly in the middle of the store. "You-" Gabriel couldn't speak. Castiel was out. Outside. And Dean was here and "Hey! You can't be here," he protested with a pout. "I won't have you spying on me for your little brother."

Not exactly what Castiel had been expecting from his brother but then again. He'd always been the deflator. Never really took anything serious but there was a small glint in his eye that said it all. That Castiel had done the right thing.

_I won't. I promise. I'm just here for Cas._

Gabriel looked at the tailor and grinned. "This is my brother. Cas. He's the one I wanted you to suit up. You think you could fit him in with my session instead?" The tailor nodded and Gabriel beamed, going over to Castiel and held his hand out. "I'm so glad you're hear. I love having an audience to admire me," he winked, guiding Castiel over to the mirror once he'd taken his hand.

Castiel looked over his shoulder at Dean who just gave him a big smile and a thumbs up in support. Castiel gave a weak smile back and followed Gabriel as he tugged on his hand and made him stand in front of the mirror for the tailor to take his measurements.

"Just take it easy kiddo," Gabriel murmured in his ear when he saw his brother tense. "He's just going to take your measurements. You got out the house, didn't ya? You can do this. I know you can."

Castiel just nodded, letting the stranger measure his pant size. Gabriel sounded really proud of him. He felt good because of that. He'd made Gabriel smile and show him that he could do these things. It took eighteen minutes for the tailor to take his measurements and suit him and pin it in places it'd need to be altered.

The whole time he could see through the mirror Dean was watching him with warm eyes and this little smile that made his dimples show. It made Castiel feel better. The tailor stood back and admired his work, making Castiel spin on the spot so he could check him over. Gabriel nodded in approval before his phone went off again. "It's Kali. I gotta take this," Gabriel said, stepping away so he could talk in private.

The tailor said Castiel could change again into his own clothes and Castiel nodded timidly. He came out a few moments later from the changing room, handing the tailor the suit carefully before walking back over to Dean with a small smile. "I-I did it," he whispered giddily, smiling like an idiot.

Dean grinned back at Castiel, wrapping an arm around his waist and pressed a soft, tender kiss to his temple. They stayed like that for a while, almost lost in their own little world when Gabriel came back out. He almost didn't recognise his little brother. He looked so comfortable in Dean's arms. Like he wasn't afraid anymore. It made his heart swell. His little brother had finally found someone who could support him in a way Gabriel had always failed to do. He took a sly photo on his phone and sent it to Sam. He'd never believe him otherwise.

"Thanks for comin', kiddo," Gabriel finally said, snapping the two out of their dream-like state. "I'm real proud of you," he said before looking up at Dean. "Of both of you." That made Castiel smile and shuffle a little closer in Dean's arms. "Now get outta here before I go all bridezilla on ya."

Castiel smiled sheepishly. He said his goodbyes to Gabriel and went back home with Dean. It was only once they got home did Castiel begin to panic. Letting out everything he'd kept inside whilst at the tailors. He sunk down to the floor in the hallway and let out a huge shaky breath, running his hands through his hair. Dean soon followed him, sinking to his knees in front of him and cupped Castiel's face gently in his hands. He breathed deeply, hoping Castiel would get the idea and follow his lead.

Castiel did. He took three deep breaths and counted to seven before feeling better. He nodded a smiled apologetically at Dean. "I-I'm sorry. I'm just so scared. I-I went outside today. And I was okay." He laughed a little nervously, biting his lip. "It's j-just huge."

Dean pressed his lips to Castiel's forehead, stroking his cheek with his thumb. "I-I..I'm proud of..of you," he stuttered, his eyes roaming over Castiel's face before resting softly on his eyes.

Castiel smiled back, looking breathlessly up at Dean. He was scared and excited. Dean had helped him get back out there and that scared him. He was more confident and happier than he'd been in a long time. He barely recognised himself anymore. He was supposed to be logical and cautious but when three little words escaped his mouth, being the new spontaneous Castiel that he was. He found himself not worrying about the consequence because he'd never heard anything more truer in his life.

"I love you."

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**Hey guys sorry this took so long. I've got tumblr btw .com you should come check me out :3**


	16. Chapter 16

Gabriel had spent the remainder of his afternoon on a high. He'd picked up Kali's dress, talked to the baker and had time to swing by Sam's office just in time for his gorgeous husband-to-be to finish work and walk him home.

"You're in a good mood," Sam smiled, his and Gabriel's entwined hands swung gently between them as they walked back to Gabriel's. Sam was still dressed in his work attire. Grey dress pants, tailor made for his extra long legs. A crisp white open collared shirt with a tailored grey jacket. He usually didn't look this smart but they had a board meeting today about their funding and Sam had represented their firm.

Gabriel was whistling a jolly tune as they walked home. He hadn't even noticed the slight spring in his step but now that Sam had noticed it he couldn't help but chuckle. "Sure am, princess. You'll never guess what happened today," Gabriel smirked, squeezing Sam's hand a little more.

"What?" Sam grinned, Gabriel's cheery mood was infectious. Despite spending the last eight hours in boring meetings, Sam could already feel his mood lightening just by being around his Gabriel.

Gabriel stopped walking, making Sam look back behind his shoulder and step back to Gabriel's side on the sidewalk. He gave him a curious look. Gabriel looked like he was about to explode with joy.

"Cas came to the tailors," Gabriel beamed, practically jumping on the spot. Sam's face dropped in surprise letting out a huff of a breath as he shook his head.

"W-What?" he chuckled in disbelief.

"He and Dean surprised me at my fitting. He..he was actually there, Sammy. I still can't believe it."

Sam face broke out into the biggest of grins. "Babe, that's amazing. So, what? He just showed up?"

Gabriel nodded, fishing out his phone and handed it to Sam, showing him the photo he'd taken of Dean holding Castiel's so lovingly and protectively in the store. "I guess they're just good for each other," Gabriel murmured happily, taking his phone back and put it in his pocket as he reclaimed Sam's hand and continued to walk home with him.

Sam just shook his head, unable to grasp the concept. "That's amazing. I'm so proud of them."

He was so glad his brother had found someone to call a friend and just be happy for once. His life hadn't exactly been easy. He of all people knew that. And he was happy Castiel had someone too. Being his therapist, he understood that life wasn't exactly easy for him either.

They got back to Gabriel's and Sam wrapped his large hands around Gabriel's waist and squeezed lightly. "Hmm, are you sure you just talked to the baker?" he asked with a teasing grin.

Gabriel pouted, swatting Sam's arm. "Listen you. I'll have you know I'm on a diet. No snacks for me."

Sam snaked his hands around to rub over Gabriel's belly as he tilted his head down to kiss his temple. "Mm, that's too bad. I like my shorty with a little meat on him." Gabriel giggled, squirming in Sam's arms as he tried to push Sam away.

"No. Stop. I'm ti-ticklish," Gabriel protested between laughs.

"I know," Sam grinned, continuing to tickle over Gabriel's belly, sneaking his fingers beneath the fabric to touch his skin, making Gabriel jolt and flail about the place. Gabriel managed to wriggle free, running up the stairs only to have Sam run after him. Both laughing care-freely.

They'd ended up in a pile of limbs on the bed, laughing idiotically when Gabriel's phone went off. Sam's laughter subsided into a brief chuckle as he pressed his lips to his fiancé's forehead, brushing the hair from his face. "You should probably get that," Sam murmured quietly. "Could be important."

Gabriel looked up at Sam with soft eyes and smiled brightly. He stroked his hand over Sam's cheek, admiring his beauty. Wondering how he'd ever gotten so lucky. "Nothing's more important than this."

Sam couldn't help but smile back, dipping his head down to kiss Gabriel passionately. Holding his fiancé close as he cherished him, kissing him so sincere and slow as Gabriel's phone rung out into voicemail.

"G-G-Gabriel?" Castiel croaked down the phone, but no answer came. Just the automated woman that infuriated Castiel even more. "G-Gab-Gabriel. Please."

_This is Gabe. I can't answer the phone right now. If this is Cas. Phone Sam. _BEEP.

"G-Gabriel," Castiel said again, tears streaming down his face. He was currently curled up under the stairs with the phone pressed tightly against his ear. He swallowed thickly, unsure how to explain himself. He was so embarrassed. He didn't want to have to tell Gabriel but he'd never felt like this before. So humiliated.

"I-I-I-I did something stupid," he said, letting out a low sob in to the phone. "A-And Dean's gone."

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**Haha oops.**


	17. Chapter 17

Two minutes after being frozen to the spot, Dean had fled. Castiel had looked up at him with those bright blue eyes, so exposed and loving and Dean had freaked out. How could he do that to him? Castiel loved him. Wanted to be with him. How could he just run from that? This was everything he wanted. Everything he could have hoped for and more. Just hearing those three little words made it so real. It scared him.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

The words stuttered over and over in his head. Castiel's breathless voice rattling around in his skull, sending shivers down his spine. He hadn't realized he'd been running until he had to stop for breath. A woman passed by with her dog, giving him a curious look and he managed to rustle up a weak, polite smile before she continued walking past, perhaps a little quicker than before with her puppy.

Dean watched the little puppy bark happily, waggling his tail back and forth quickly as he walked. He reminded him of Butterscotch. That made him smile. He loved Butterscotch. It made him sad that he was still unable to tell him that. Just like he couldn't tell Castiel he loved him too.

He scrubbed a shaky hand over his face and sighed. Dammit. He left his car at Castiel's. He slowly began to walk back, trying to get up the courage to knock on Castiel's door and not be a coward and just drive away.

Once he got there he knew what he had to do. He took the twelve steps it took to get up Castiel's driveway and to his door. His hand hesitated on the door before actually knocking. Three timid knocks and what seemed like an eternity later and the door opened a crack. Castiel's hair stuck out a little and Dean couldn't help but smile a little, almost apologetically.

"I-I-I'm sorry," Dean croaked, wringing his hands nervously. His face was red, mostly from running but partially out of embarrassment. "I-I shouldn-t o-of left." He dipped his head in shame and began to walk away, knowing he'd ruined his chance. Castiel was a thing that only came once and he'd missed his chance. He couldn't expect him to take him back. He just needed him to know he was sorry.

Castiel had just gotten off the phone, waiting worryingly for Gabriel's return call, when the door went. He knew who it'd be but he answered it anyway. He loved Dean. He could never shut him out. He was the only person who'd ever wanted to be let in. He couldn't give him up. He was too perfect. So when Dean began speaking, apologizing. Castiel began to worry. It was like having his heart stomped on for the second time.

"S-S-So you're going to leave again?" Castiel asked, biting his lip and let the door open just a little more to show his tear stained face. This was horrible. Did Dean just come back to say goodbye? Why was he doing this to him?

Dean bit his lip, hand hesitating on the impala's door handle. "I..I don't d-d-deserve you," he said quietly, taking a step back towards the house. He could see how broken Castiel looked and it hurt him deeply to know he was the one to cause this.

Castiel was on the verge of tears again. He needed to get away before the neighbours saw but Dean didn't seem like he wanted to come in any time soon. "S-Stop talking, please. If I knew..you..you were gonna learn to talk just to break my heart then I would never have said those stupid words." He was laughing but it was all empty. He was crying too much for it to be real.

_Everyone…Everyone I love. They get hurt._

Dean couldn't speak anymore. It hurt too much. Castiel was tearing him apart and he didn't know what to do. He didn't know how to fix this. To fix them.

_Dad. Mom. Sammy. I don't want you to get hurt too._

Oh. Castiel's eyes softened. Looking at Dean with wide eyes as a few hot tears fell down his cheeks. "That's…That's why you ran away?" he asked softly. So this wasn't about Castiel? Wasn't about not loving him back? He just didn't want to see him hurt? Castiel felt like an idiot for being so self involved and jumping to conclusions. He should have known Dean would have issues with intimacy as much as him. He was just better at hiding it.

Dean nodded slightly, looking down at the floor. He was ready to leave, having said his bit when a gentle hand caressed his own callus hand. His head snapped up to see Castiel standing sheepishly in front of him, out of the house and holding his hand like it was an injured bird. "I-It's okay, Dean," he whispered. "Y-You don't have to say it. A-A-And I won't get hurt. I promise."

Dean was hesitant. He really didn't want to see Castiel get hurt because of him. He looked into Castiel's eyes and the longer he waited the more noticeable it was in Castiel's eyes that he'd thought he'd done the wrong thing again and was preparing for the worst. So Dean pulled him quickly into a protective hug, which made Castiel sag and sob in his arms. "I'm so sorry, Dean," he sobbed. "I-I-I won't say it again. We can just pretend it didn't happen."

Dean shook his head. "D-D-Don't," he whispered, holding Castiel tighter, burying his face in Castiel's hair. "Don't." He didn't say anything else after that but he didn't need to. Castiel understood. They stayed there for a long time before Castiel carefully pulled away, tugging at Dean's sleeve lightly for him to come inside.

Once inside Dean expected Castiel to lead him into the living room but he didn't. He walked straight up the stairs. Holding onto Dean's sleeve to make sure he followed and brought him to his bedroom. Dean looked around quizzingly before Castiel explained timidly.

"I-It's getting late. Y-You should stay h-here tonight." His face was flushed and his voice was breathy and light.

Dean nodded, going over to Castiel's cupboard to pick up the blankets and pillows he'd used the last time he'd slept on the couch but Castiel stopped him, chuckling nervously.

"Y-You can sleep here. If..If you want," he whispered. "In the bed..i-in..in the bed. My Bed."

Dean's expression softened. He moved his hands to Castiel's waist and drew him close, kissing the tip of his nose tenderly. They got into bed, both in their boxers and a t-shirt and stared nervously at one another. A huge space still separating them in the bed.

Castiel watched as Dean's lips curled upward in a timid smile as he held out his hand for Castiel. Castiel took it, shuffling slowly across the bed and curled up close to Dean with enough space still between them if he wanted to move away. Dean squeezed his hand before letting go and snaked his arm loosely around Castiel's waist.

Yes. This felt right. Being here with Castiel in his arms. He looked over at him to see his tussled hair squished against the pillowcase, making it curl down in front of his forehead and tickle his nose. Dean brushed it out of his face carefully and kissed him gently, trying to calm Castiel's nerves. It seemed to work. His breathing had evened out at least. Both of them where too tired to say or do anything else. It'd been a long day. Especially for Castiel. He'd surprised his brother and taken that next step to achieving his goal. Gabriel's wedding.

It was a long time before Dean spoke again. Castiel had fallen asleep by this point. His eyelashes stroked out against his cheeks and his lips were parted slightly as he breathed shallowly in his sleep.

"C-C-Cas?" Dean stuttered, quietly, biting his lip. He ran his hand up and down Castiel's side before kissing his forehead tenderly. "I-I-I'm proud of you."

Dean fell asleep soon after that with the knowledge that in the morning he'd still be here with Castiel and everything would be perfect.

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I read in one of the reviews (can't remember who) but it said if I had time to read all your reviews (or something along those lines) and the answer is yes. I read every single one of your reviews and each time I get a notification I get all giddy and flail everywhere. I love you all and I'm grateful for all of your support xxx


	18. Chapter 18

Castiel's phone rung at eight thirty the next morning. Castiel moaned softly in protest as the infuriating noise stirred him from slumber. He tried hiding further into Dean, seeking his warmth but the noise was persistent and even after the call went to voicemail it began to ring again straight away. That's when he remembered. Gabriel.

He gasped sharply, practically bolting upright in the bed, causing Dean to let out a startled grunt as he was suddenly ripped away from Castiel and out of sleep. Castiel would apologize in a moment. First he had to deal with his brother. As soon as he answered the phone his brothers worried voice could be heard working at sixty miles a minute.

"G-G-Gabriel. I-I am so sorry," he stuttered, holding the phone close to his ear. "D-Dean came back. Everything's okay now. I-I'm sorry I worried you like that….I-I know. G-G-Gabriel I'm sorry." There was a pause as Gabriel spoke down the phone and Castiel bit his thumb nervously. "Yes…N-No I.." He looked at Dean nervously before looking away anxiously and whispered into the phone, "I told him I love him."

Dean looked up from his pillow at Castiel and bit his lip. He held his hand out for Castiel, stroking his cheek tenderly, trying to comfort the other. He didn't want Castiel to feel bad for loving him. Castiel looked over his shoulder at Dean and smiled softly, leaning into the gentle hand pressed against his face. "Yeah..I-I-I think so," he said warmly into the phone, smiling over at Dean. "O-Okay. T-Tonight. 7:30. B-Bring Sam."

Castiel put the phone down on his nightstand and deflated heavily, sinking into the pillows as he closed his eyes. Dean wrapped an arm around Castiel and shifted to slot against his side, kissing his temple briefly. "A-A-Are you a-alright?" Dean whispered, his own eyes closed.

"Yeah," Castiel said after a moment of silence, pressing his hand to rest over Dean's. He lifted Dean's hand up to press the knuckles to his lips, kissing them tenderly. A small blush crept up on his face. "Everything's fine."

Dean grinned, lifting his head up off the pillow to look at Castiel properly. He traced his finger over Castiel's plump lower lip, smiling happily. "G-G-Good," Dean beamed, lowering his head slightly to press his lips against Castiel's causing the other to let out a small yelp in surprise before melting into the kiss.

"D-D-Dean," he whispered quietly when they broke apart. "I..is it okay if I ask..ask for s-s-something?"

Dean pulled back enough to look at Castiel curiously. He nodded silently, stroking his thumb over Castiel's cheek. "C-Can we…w-w-w-ill you have sex with me?" Castiel asked nervously, looking up at Dean with wide, trusting eyes. Dean laughed a little at the way worded what he wanted to say. He kissed Castiel sweetly before pressing him close, kissing him again in answer.

Castiel's breath hitched, surprised Dean was so willing to accept him. Them. He tried to kiss back as much as he could, deepening the kiss as Dean rolled them over so Castiel was on top of him. His hands skimming beneath Castiel's shirt and up his back, pressing gently against the warm skin.

Things became heated, Castiel felt more comfortable doing this than he had been in the living room with his pants around his ankles. This was slow and passionate and if he felt self conscious he could just pull the covers up and over them. This was perfect, despite his nerves. He trusted Dean. He wanted him to be the one to share his first time with.

Dean moved Castiel's legs so he was straddling his waist, making him more comfortable as his hands slowly pulled off Castiel's top. It got stuck around his head and Castiel grunted in annoyance, wiggling out of the garment. His hair stuck up in all directions once his head came through the neck hole. Dean tried to hold back his laughter but couldn't. Castiel looked so adorable like that. Tussled hair, bright wide eyes,parted lips and a bright red blush that pooled in his cheeks.

Dean kissed him deeply before Castiel had a chance to shy away. He wrapped his arms around Castiel's middle and pulled him down to lay against him. They kissed for several minutes, just exploring one another's bodies before Dean removed his own top. That's when things fell silent. Just their breathless pants could be heard in the silence of the room. Both just stared at one another, reaching out with hesitant fingertips to trace freckles or indents in the other's body.

Dean wanted to roll them over. Wanted to suck and nip and Castiel's skin, exploring his body roughly with his tongue and hands but he didn't want Castiel to be afraid. They'd get there, maybe. For now. He needed to hold back and be slow and tender for Castiel. Make him feel good. Make him feel confident.

He leaned up to kiss Castiel softly, fingertips ghosting over a nipple that caused Castiel's gasp to be swallowed down as Dean deepened the kiss. Things stayed like this for a while experimental touches and kisses. Castiel was enjoying himself. He loved the way Dean was coming apart beneath him just by a hand to his thigh or a kiss to his neck. Little things that made him moan and gasp. Little things that Castiel had done to make Dean like this. It made him feel confident and sexy.

"Wow," Castiel blushed, biting his lip to stop from giggling nervously. Their boxers were gone now and Castiel was kneeling between Dean's legs, looking over the exposed body beneath him. "You're…you're naked," he said, chuckling again. Dean smiled bashfully, running a smooth palm up and down Castiel's side, watching the way his hand dipped ever so slightly were his body curved.

"I…I think it's b-beautiful," Castiel whispered timidly, dipping his head down to press a kiss to Dean's lips chastely. He gasped a little when Dean pressed his hands more firmly to his hips and pulled him to press flush against him. He let out a surprised moan, swallowing down a second.

Dean made a small pleasurable noise in the back of his throat as Castiel got the idea and began experimentally grinding against him. Eventually Castiel got the idea and grew more confident about kissing and touch Dean places other than his face. Dean was going crazy, being so patient with Castiel. He need to get off and soon, he was already trembling with the effort to keep it together whilst Castiel continued to kiss down his neck and stroke down his sides.

That's when it went wrong. Castiel had spread Dean's legs, thinking this is what came next and tried to push the tip of his cock into Dean's tight hole, making the other hiss out in pain. Castiel's eyes widened. He didn't understand. This was supposed to be pleasurable, wasn't it? Why was Dean grimacing like that? "I-I-I'm sorry. What..what did I do?" Castiel panicked, moving away entirely, not wanting to hurt Dean again.

_You've got to prepare me first. With lube. It makes it hurt less._

Dean explained patiently, suddenly realizing just how little Castiel knew about these things. It was actually beginning to worry him a little. Castiel shook his head. He still didn't get it. The guys in the video had just…done it. There was no bottles or preparation on screen. How was he supposed to know that that was part of it?

He bit his lip and started breathing a little shakily. "Oh..I-I didn't know. I'm sorry. Dean. I-I didn't mean…I don't have any lubricant. I..oh God.." Castiel had royally screwed this up. Hadn't he? He just wanted to show Dean how much he loved him with scaring him off by saying the words. He felt like crying. This wasn't how the fairytales went at all. "I just wanted t-to give you my love."

Dean looked up with saddened eyes as Castiel began to worry himself. It wasn't his fault. He was just poorly educated in this field. Dean would help him out there but it just made him upset thinking Castiel had never experienced any of this before. "Y-You a-all-already have," Dean said breathlessly, taking Castiel's hand and squeezed it once before bringing it to his lips. He kissed the knuckles tentatively before uncurling Castiel's hand so he could lick the palm, wetting Castiel's hand.

Castiel looked in confusion as Dean slathered his hand in saliva. He tried not to grimace but he really worried for Dean's sanity in that moment. That was until Dean moved his hand to wrap around their cocks and Castiel understood a lot more clearly his intentions. He let out a low groan, shuffling to hover above Dean so he could lie face to face as Dean helped to guide his hand to touch them both together.

Castiel's eyes widened as he felt a warmth jolt through him, arousal building low and hot in his stomach. He swallowed thickly as he tried to concentrate on breathing. He felt so hot, the friction of them rubbing together felt amazing. It was almost too much but Castiel wanted more. Wanted to feel the same release he had when Dean deep throated him on his couch.

He let out a sharp gasp as he felt Dean cum, a low grunt escaped the mute as his hips bucked up into Castiel's hand. Castiel watched Dean's face as he fell apart. It was so vulnerable and open and Castiel had only seen him like that once. Under his bed. Only this time, he was on top of it a looked a lot happier. Blissful, almost. Castiel felt his own arousal build as he came with Dean just coming down from his high. He let out a small cry in pleasure before slumping heavily against Dean, trembling heavily until he felt warm, solid arms wrap around him and held him tight.

Dean stroked a hand down Castiel's back until he felt Castiel calm down. It must have been intense for him. Feeling this way. He was in his early thirties and had never experienced this. That was bound to do something to a guy. Dean just remained patient, understanding this was a lot for Castiel to process. Eventually, the body in his arms came to, and shuffled around until it laid besides him, tired and spent. Dean stroked the hair out of Castiel's face, pressing a tender kiss to his forehead. Once again whispering those soothing words of encouragement to his lover. His soulmate.

"I-I'm pr-proud of you."

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**Hey guys. Thanks so much for all your feedback. I have Tumblr just so you know. Same name, metallicshadows. Don't be afraid to come talk to me or follow me or whatever :) xx**


	19. Chapter 19

Half past seven came and went. Gabriel and Sam were late. That made Castiel uncomfortable. He'd set the table, dressed in his smartest casual attire and waited patiently to serve dinner which was currently keeping warm in the stove on low settings.

It was thirty-four minutes past when Dean came downstairs with an apologetic look. He knew how anal Castiel was about attendance but he'd taken longer in the shower than he'd expected. He raised an eyebrow when he saw Castiel pacing in the kitchen. He was wearing a white shirt with a navy sweater over the top and dress pants. Dean didn't understand what was so special about a dinner like this but he didn't ask. He didn't want to stress Castiel out further. Besides, he looked nice.

Dean got Castiel's attention, pressing the palms of his hands to Castiel's hips to hold him still. He pressed a chaste kiss to his cheek and leant his chin against Castiel's shoulder, "R-Relax. Ev..Ev-er-y-thing looks g-great. Y-Y-Yourself included," Dean assured, voice a little softer after practicing that little bit more often. Thanks to Castiel.

Castiel took a deep breath and sighed, sagging against Dean heavily. "I-I just want everything to go write. This is important to me. T-To us." Castiel couldn't see Dean's face from this angle but he hoped the other would understand what he was saying. Dean didn't. To him, it was just dinner and he didn't understand what made it so special.

Dean would probably regret to ask this but he had to know. "W-Why?" he asked softly, holding Castiel close to show him he wanted to be on his side. He just needed to help him get there. But even so, that didn't stop the small whimper escape Castiel at the thought of his boyfriend not knowing why this was so special.

"This'll be our first dinner all together, Dean," Castiel said, voice small as he clutched at Dean's arms which held him protectively. "We've got no parents, uncles or aunts. It's just the four of us. This is all we've got and tonight we celebrate what little we've got by coming together as a family."

Dean had never thought of it that way. He and Sam had always been close. They never needed anyone else as long as they were together. But now, thinking about it. Gabriel would be his new brother, dragging Castiel along with him too. Four brothers who throughout it all managed to stick together. Castiel was right. They'd be family now. And it'd be perfect.

There was a knock at the door and Dean kissed Castiel's cheek before going into the hall to answer it. Gabriel and Sam were stood there with big loopy grins on their faces, watching Dean intently. Obviously Gabriel had told Sam about the whole 'Cas said I love you' thing. Dean just waved back awkwardly at them before stepping aside to let them in.

"Hey Deano, why don't you and I go down to the basement, pick out some wine for this meal. Huh?" Gabriel was barely in the door and was already steering Dean down towards the basement before he could even answer him. Sam stayed upstairs, shrugging out of his coat and scarf and greeted Castiel with a warm smile and helped him serve dinner for them all.

Gabriel had gotten Dean down to the basement, looking around absently at his brother's wine collection, before pulling out a bottle and observed it curiously. "Hmm. Yeah this could go well with my brother's unrequited love. What do you think? Maybe once we're done with the wine you can use the shards of glass from the bottle to dig nice and deep in to my little brother's heart and watch him bleed to death, huh?" Gabriel said casually, Dean would never get used to that. His eyes widened in shock as he looked over Gabriel's calm appearance.

_It's not unrequited._

Gabriel rose an eyebrow. "Listen, kid. My little brother is all I got. I just wanna make sure you know what you're messin' around with here. I'm marrying your brother. We're gonna be together a lot. If you're gonna turn around and just break my little Cassie's heart then do it now. Before he gets in his head that you actually love him back."

"I do," Dean snapped, angry with Gabriel for assuming he'd string Castiel along like this.

For a long time Gabriel just stared wide-eyed at Dean. It took Dean a while to catch up with what just happened before he covered a hand to his mouth and shook his head. He wasn't supposed to talk yet. Not like this. Not to Gabriel. He was supposed to surprise him at the wedding. Him and Sam. Oh God. Sam.

"P-P-Please do-doon't tell S-Sammy," he begged, on the verge of tears. He'd ruined everything. This was supposed to be a surprise. He'd worked so hard to get this far with his vocals and he'd gone and blown everything at the wrong moment.

Meanwhile upstairs Sam was talking to Castiel about Dean. "I'm glad you guys are getting along so well," Sam said, putting the plates on the table as Castiel served the food out of the pot. "But y'know..things are too complicated for me to be your therapist anymore. I don't think I can provide that professional opinion anymore seeing as we're family and everything..but that doesn't mean I'm not hear to listen to you if you still need someone to talk to."

Castiel was aware of this. He and Sam hadn't spoken as client and therapist in the upcoming months to the wedding. The thing was, he didn't need Sam that way anymore. He was better than he had been in a long time and that was all because of Dean. "Thank you," he said softly. "I-I'd appreciate that."

Sam gave him a warm smile, grateful his soon to be brother-in-law understood he meant his best by what he'd said. He truly did care for Castiel. That's why he felt it was best he was no longer his therapist. Having to talk about Castiel and Dean's relationship would have been awkward, for both of them.

"Fucking liar," Gabriel spat, his voice could be heard from the dining room and it was getting closer. Sam and Castiel shared a look, wondering what was going on. A loud thud echoed through the room as Gabriel pushed Dean onto the floor. Both Sam and Castiel stared at Gabriel in shock.

"What the hell, Gabe?!" Sam yelled as Castiel suddenly knelt by Dean's side, cupping his face to check him over. He could already see a bruise forming over his right cheekbone from where Gabriel had hit him. Dean wouldn't meet Castiel's eyes, looking at the floor in shame and embarrassment.

"He can talk, Sam. The little shit has been lying to us since day one," Gabriel said, arms flailing everywhere, making Castiel gather Dean up in his arms and hold him protectively. His brother had always had a bit of a temper but he'd never been so close to the receiving end of it before. And that frightened him.

"One, two, three, four, five, six, seven…" Castiel counted slowly, whispering into Dean's ear, trying to calm them both down whist Sam tried to calm down Gabriel.

"He's a mute, Gabe. What the hell's gotten into you?" Sam grunted, pushing himself between the two men on the floor and Gabriel. "Is this really about Dean?" Sam accused, crossing his arms. "Or is this about you? You know, you've been acting like a spoilt brat ever since I popped the question. You'll do anything just to get my attention."

Gabriel crossed his arms, trying not to let their height difference intimidate him. "Hey," he protested angrily. "That a completely different thing, princess. And I do that crazy shit because I love you. I want you to pay attention to me so I know you love me too. But this time it ain't about me. This is about him," he said, pointing stroppily at the man in his brother's arms. "He can actually talk, Sam. He's not a mute. He can talk just like you and me."

Castiel's eyes widened as he looked down at Dean, biting his lip. "Y-You told him?" he asked quietly to Dean. He'd thought Dean was keeping it a secret until he was ready. Even then. He thought he'd tell Sam before he told Gabriel.

Sam stiffened. He'd heard Castiel speak. It was faint, but he'd heard it. "W-What?" he whispered, afraid to turn around and look at Dean. "I-Is that true?" he asked over his shoulder, looking away from everyone in the room. He felt isolated. Years he'd spent. Years telling Dean he'd be okay. That it was okay to be different and this whole time he could talk? He felt sick. His own brother didn't trust him enough to hear him speak.

Dean looked up at Castiel pleadingly. Asking him to be his voice. Sam wouldn't look at him. He couldn't speak aloud. Not like this. He bit his lip painfully, tears streaming down his face. Castiel nodded in understanding, stroking a hand over Dean's face carefully, trying to keep them both calm.

"Y-Y-Yes," Castiel said, voice quiet and soft. "But h-he's on-only just started talking. H-He's bee-been trying really hard. F-For you." Dean nodded, letting Castiel know he'd said the right thing. He snuggled up to Castiel, burying the side of his face against Castiel's chest to hide his tears if his brother ever decided to turn around and face him.

Gabriel remained quiet, feeling guilty for being so harsh on Dean. He didn't know. He'd thought it'd been years..not months. He gave Sam a soft look, trying to be supportive as they found out the truth. Sam ignored Gabriel for now. He'd understand. He needed to tend to his brother first. "Dean?" he asked softly, turning around to kneel beside the two men on the floor curled up in one another.

Dean bit his lip, sniffling quietly as he turned to face his brother. He was still holding onto Castiel tightly, afraid he might get hit again. He shook his head a few times trying to get a sound out but it was hard. He was under pressure. He couldn't do it on demand.

Thankfully, Sam seemed to understand. "It's okay, Dean. I'm not mad. I still love you. No matter what," he said softly before standing up to get some ice from the kitchen for Dean's face. Gabriel followed him, leaving Castiel and Dean alone. He was still upset Dean never said anything. They were brothers. If Dean was to trust anyone. It should be him. Still. He had Castiel. At least he could trust someone with this. He was glad it was him. He knew Castiel was good for him.

Dean sobbed openly then. Two of the most important people in his life had told him they loved him. He didn't want to see them get hurt because of that. He loved them both..but he doubted he'd ever be able to say it aloud. Not properly anyway. Castiel was running a gentle hand through his hair, trying to keep Dean calm. "I'm sorry i-it happened like this, Dean," he whispered quietly into his hair. "But we still all love you and we're here for you. Okay?"

Dean managed a small nod and Castiel kissed his forehead tenderly, making Dean whimper a little under the intensity of Castiel's love and affection. A moment later, Gabriel returned with a pack of ice wrapped in a towel. His way of apologizing for hitting him. Dean looked hesitant but took the icepack carefully.

"Sorry about that, kiddo," Gabriel said softly. "I didn't mean to jump to conclusions. I just got mad, y'know? Thought you were trying to play us." He stepped away, going back to Sam who'd entered the room too. Dean nodded softly, letting Castiel take the ice from his hand and place it gently against his cheek. He hissed and winced slightly to which Castiel murmured his apologies into his ear.

"Did you really mean that?" Gabriel asked Sam quietly, drawing his fiancé's attention away from their brothers. "Mean what? Sam asked, voice soft and just as quiet so they didn't disturb Castiel and Dean. "You know what. The whole bridezilla thing," Gabriel said, sounding hurt.

Sam sighed, meeting Gabriel's eyes. "I was upset. Yeah, you can get a little…obsessive but that's just one of the things I love about you, Gabe. You're passionate about stuff. It's what makes you..you. Please don't be mad at me. I just..this is a lot to take in."

Gabriel sighed, smirking at Sam. "I could never stay mad at you, babe," he murmured, hugging Sam. Everything forgiven. "Mmm, come on. Let's eat. No point putting this food to waste." Sam nodded in agreement, pulling away from Gabriel with a quick peck to his forehead. They sat at the table, not pressuring Castiel or Dean to join them. They would when they were ready.

It only took a few more minutes before Dean carefully stood up and took a seat opposite his brother. Castiel placed the icepack back in the kitchen before it melted and made a mess and joined Dean, sitting beside him. It may not have been the family dinner Castiel had been expecting but it ended the same way. Four brothers laughing, enjoying each other's company and bonding.. as a family.

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**phew, that was really hard to write sorry it took so long guys! again, self promotion going on here, i have tumblr metallicshadows come check me out if you want to chat or follow me or anything...much love :) **


	20. Chapter 20

A week had passed since the dinner. Sam hadn't spoken to Gabriel since. As soon as they'd left Castiel's, Sam had driven Gabriel home and hadn't been in contact with him since. He'd spent more time with Dean, on the off chance his brother might say something to him. Gabriel in tow, had spent more time with his best friend, Kali, trying to get back into Sam's good books after punching his brother. He'd sent flowers and badly written love poems, anything just to get his princess back.

"I get why he's mad but I thought he'd have forgiven me and moved on by now," Gabriel said aloud, sighing as he fiddled with his cravat, admiring himself in the mirror whilst Kali fixed her hair behind him in a compact mirror. Gabriel was dressed in his fine tailored suit, the gold waistcoat bringing out his eyes. Eyes that looked less than happy. "I mean, it's our wedding day. He shoulda called, right?"

Kali was leant against a table, her brown floor length dress draped elegantly against her legs, flowing from the waist where it held together with finely detailed embroidery. Light brown in colour and swirled and curved the the top of the dress, enhancing her breasts whilst still looking classy with shoulder straps, covered in the same patterned embroidery. Her hair was pinned up and to the side to let the loose curls brush against her right shoulder.

If she wasn't Gabriel's best and oldest friend, she would not have been invited to the wedding. No one was allowed to upstage Gabriel today but for her, he'd make an exception.

"It'll all work out," she assured, putting her compact mirror back in her purse before going over to Gabriel to help him put on his cufflinks. Cufflinks Sam had bought him as a present two years ago. They were little silver space invaders. Sam had laughed and blushed, admitting he'd forgotten their anniversary and had panic bought them at the last moment but that didn't matter. What mattered was that night Sam had told Gabriel he loved him, making the goofy, if slightly cool, present that little bit more sentimental.

"He loves you, Gabe. He's probably thinking, today's the day you vow your lives to one another. Once you say 'I do' all will be forgotten, you know?" Kali was always the voice of reason for Gabriel. Even as she spoke you could see the tension draining from his shoulders. She finished helping him with his cufflinks and stood back so he could look at himself in the mirror.

Gabriel smiled softly, looking over his form. He was lucky to have someone like Sam. Sam was younger, more athletic and oh so handsome. To think he'd want to spend the rest of his life with a podgy short guy with an endless amount of bad puns, well, it was sort of a bad joke in itself.

"You look great, Gabe," Kali insisted, smoothing out his jacket with a gentle hand and a warm smile. "I'm so happy for you. You're finally living your dream," she said after a long time. Gabriel looked at her through the mirror before turning around to face her and hugged her tightly, hiding his face against her shoulder for a moment before pulling away.

"Thanks, K. I'm really glad you're here. It's..it's been tough," Gabriel said, nodding a little to himself before pulling himself together. Kali was one of the few people he could be like this with. Castiel had his own problems to deal with so it was hard sometimes to confide in him like that. And he had no other family. It was just Sam and Kali, really. But honestly, that's all he needed.

Kali nodded and fixed Gabriel's collar before planting a chaste kiss to his cheek. "Alright," she said with a wide smile, noticing an usher, Sam's friend, give a subtle nod from the door. "This is it. You ready?" Gabriel took a deep breath, hooked his arm with Kali's and together, they headed out the small room and towards the ceremony.

Sam fiddled nervously with his flower pin thing. What was it Gabriel had called it..a corsage? Something like that. Didn't matter. Point was he was a wreck standing up there in front of everyone he knew unsure whether his fiancé would even show up. He hadn't spoken to Gabriel since the dinner at Castiel's. He knew it was a stupid thing to do but he was having a hard time processing everything. Dean could talk and Gabriel had heard him first and in his own stupid way, Sam was still mad at Gabriel for that.

He was just upset about everything. For years he'd assumed his brother's vocal cords were torn to shreds. If he'd realized sooner..maybe he could have helped Dean. Helped him to talk sooner and get on with his life. He could have…"Ow," Sam winced, looking up in surprise at Dean who'd slapped his hand away from the flower on his jacket.

_Stop fidgeting. You'll be fine._

Sam gave an apologetic look and nodded. He wasn't so sure himself about that but having his brother up here with him sure helped. He was pretty sure Castiel was here too. Somewhere. Dean had said Castiel was sat in the back in case it all got too much for him. Sam had offered Dean to go sit with Castiel but his brother had refused, saying he was his best man and wasn't going anywhere.

Sam was grateful for that. He had little to no family. Dean was all he had left and it felt right for him to be up here with him. The crowd hushed down suddenly, causing Sam to look around as he spotted Gabriel walking down the aisle with Kali on his arm. Gabriel didn't have any family either and Castiel wasn't stable enough to walk alongside Gabriel with all these people watching. It made Sam's heart to swell to think that through it all they'd found family in each other.

"Hi," Gabriel said with an uncharacteristically sheepish smile. "Hey," Sam said softly as he mimicked the action, hesitantly reaching out for Gabriel and brushed the back of his hand against his cheek. Gabriel automatically leaned into the touch and silently, all was forgiven.

The ceremony was short and sweet. They both said 'I do' and shared a tender kiss. Sam's eyes were slightly pink and puffy from where tears threatened to fall and Gabriel was pretty sure he looked the same. "I'm proud of you, princess," Gabriel murmured as they posed for photos outside the church. Their friends and co-workers milling around them as everyone filed out of the church to go to the reception.

Sam gave a curious look as if to say, 'what for?' before Gabriel leant up on tiptoes and kissed Sam, lips lingering for a moment as he murmured the answer against the other's lips. "For facing your fears." Sam had been beaten and bullied growing up for loving the 'wrong gender'. When Gabriel proposed, Sam had freaked out majorly. His abused childhood coming back to haunt him, stopping him from moving on with his life. It was only with Gabriel's help was he able to move passed it and commit to something wonderful.

Sam smiled softly and kissed Gabriel again whilst the photographer took pictures. He caught a glimpse of Castiel standing with Dean awkwardly to the side and gestured for them to come over. Castiel looked hesitant but Dean held his hand firmly and whispered assuringly in his ear.

Their first photo as a family was what made Castiel cry. Each brother had their faults but together, they were stronger. They completed one another in a way some may struggle to understand but it didn't matter. What mattered was Castiel had not only gained two brothers. He'd gained a best friend and a lover. Someone to call his own and for someone to call him theirs.


	21. Chapter 21

Over a year had past since Sam and Gabriel's wedding. Dean had lived in a rented apartment in town for a while before Castiel nervously asked him to move in seeing as he practically lived at Castiel's anyway. That was over a month ago and things were going surprisingly well for the couple. Castiel went out at least twice a week. Even if it was just to walk Butterscotch or go to the shops for some more bread. Just little things to keep him from drawing back in on himself. Dean took on more hours at the garage and took singing lessons. The couch really helped him stretch his vocal cords. He'd spoken more in the last year than he had in his entire life and yet he still hadn't been able to speak to his brother.

"You'll get there, Dean," Castiel assured quietly, comforting his boyfriend as they laid in bed together one evening.

Dean nodded, sighing softly. "I-t's just h-hard." He knew Castiel knew why. He'd told him about his family's past and why he'd become mute a long time ago. It was nice to have Castiel's support for these things.

Castiel nodded. "I-I understand." He cupped Dean's cheek and kissed him gently. "Let's get some sleep. Maybe tomorrow will be the night." Sam and Gabriel were coming over for their usual Sunday dinner tomorrow and Dean was hoping he'd be able to talk to his brother this time. Once and for all.

Castiel awoke the next morning to Dean's lips pressed against his neck. Hot, needy breaths being panted across his skin. He blushed deeply when he felt Dean's hard cock rutting slowly against his ass.

"D-Dean," he swallowed thickly. "I-I-It's not night time," he whispered. Sex was still an issue for Castiel. He still felt inexperienced and nervous about the whole thing. It felt amazing but he still felt uncomfortable initiating things. He never knew when the right time was to ask for sex because apparently you're not actually supposed to ask for it out loud.

Dean knew Castiel would freak out but he wanted to try it just once. They'd been together over a year. He knew these things were hard for Castiel but if they didn't try they'd never move forward. "I'll stop if you want me to," he said, sucking on Castiel earlobe lightly, making the other man let out a shuddery moan.

Castiel considered telling Dean to stop but this felt really good. Excluding his initial panic it felt nice to have Dean so close. "I…." He swallowed thickly, shaking his head. "No. I can't. I'm sorry," he said quickly, tensing with guilt as he knew Dean would be upset for rejecting him.

Dean inhaled sharply, reluctantly moving away. "Okay," he said, pressing one last kiss to Castiel's shoulder before slipping out of bed and into the shower to deal with his morning wood.

Castiel only moved once Dean was gone, running a hand over his face as he turned to lie on his back. He felt horrible but it still felt weird to be having sex so often. He liked it but he guessed his hormones were just in better check than Dean's. They were in their mid-thirties after all. Castiel had spent most of his life without sex. It was just something he could live without. Unlike Dean.

After twenty minutes, Dean came back into the bedroom with a towel around his waist and a sheepish expression on his face. "Sorry," he whispered, dipping his head and looked guiltily at the floor. "I..s-shouldn't have done that."

Castiel swallowed thickly, grabbing the bed sheet and wrapped it around himself as he stood. He kissed Dean's cheek and smiled sheepishly. "No. I'm sorry. I..I'm sorry I can't be normal and have sex with the man I-I care about so much. It's..j-just hard to do that sometimes," he explained quietly.

"I know," Dean replied, kissing Castiel's temple. They hugged things out and all was forgiven. "F-For the record. I-I d-don't want you to be normal. Ever." He kissed Castiel sweetly and smiled at him happily. "I…" Dean took a deep breath, nodding to himself. He could do this. He could say it. "I love you, for you."

Castiel watched hesitantly as Dean spoke. He hadn't said those words since Dean ran away. Had been too scared to incase he frightened Dean off again. Hearing those words brought tears to his eyes. "I-I love you, too," he whispered, kissing Dean as if to seal the words forever in the moment.

Dean's hands skimmed up and down Castiel's forearms, smiling at his boyfriend giddily. "Go shower. I-I'll cook us breakfast." Castiel smiled, pecking Dean's lips again before disappearing into the bathroom.

Castiel spent the rest of the day preparing for dinner with Sam and Gabriel. When the tradition first arose, Castiel had been nervous and scared wanting everything to go as smoothly as possible. He'd written detailed lists of ingredients Dean needed to buy for him from Walmart. He'd make sure every fork was in place and every dish looked perfect and presentable.

He still did all those things now, of course, with the exception of going to the store himself. He also started growing his own herbs in the backyard. Gardening had become a hobby that helped him get outside even if he was having a bad day. Just watering flowers did its part to make Castiel feel comfortable outside his own home.

Around six, there was a knock at the door. Dean wanted to answer it, thinking tonight he'd be able to welcome his brother verbally. He'd gotten really good at talking to Castiel but when it came to Sam, he stumbled. He looked too much like their father and that hurt Dean most of all. Especially after what the man had done to their mom. To their family.

He opened the door and greeted both Gabriel and Sam with a smile. Opening his mouth to speak but nothing came out. Sam had looked so hopeful, thinking maybe this week Dean would say something but he didn't. He just smiled like he usually did and stepped aside for them to come in. Gabriel smiled sadly at Castiel as he walked through and into the kitchen, leaving the brothers to have a moment.

"You doing okay, kiddo?" Gabriel smiled, setting down a bottle of wine and a box of chocolate melts. Their usual arrangement. Castiel would cook while Gabriel would bring wine and dessert from his bakery.

Castiel nodded. "Yeah. Just.." He stopped himself, looking around to make sure Dean was out of earshot. "Dean wants to have sex when it's still light out..is that weird? I mean, it's one of those things you do before bed, right?" he asked awkwardly. Castiel didn't like discussing these kinds of things but Gabriel always asked him uncomfortable questions anyway. He figured coming straight out with it would ease the embarrassment.

Gabriel raised an eyebrow. "Do you wanna have sex with him during the day?" he asked, trying to hide any amusement from his tone. His brother could really be clueless sometimes.

"I-I guess? B-But they don't do that in the movies. T-They have the special kiss at night or in the rain then they fall into bed together. That's what happens. It's not special if it's not at night."

"Cassie," Gabriel said slowly, looking his brother dead in the eye. "This ain't the movies. I know you've been living in a bubble most your life but Dean's not trying to play you, alright. It's what happens. People have sex whenever it feels right to. It doesn't matter what time of day it is or whether you have that cinematic kiss in romantic setting. If you want to do it. Just do it."

Castiel considered his brother's words carefully before nodding. "Okay. T-Thanks."

Gabriel squeezed Castiel's shoulder before looking over at the various pots brewing on the stove. "Alright. So what we got cookin' tonight?"

Sam was currently in the other room, talking about the same thing with Dean. "Just give him time, Dean. This years been pretty hectic for him. For both of you."

Dean smiled a little, remembering just how far they'd both come. He was proud of what they'd achieved. He looked up at his brother, smile faltering a little remembering what he had yet to accomplish.

I'm still sorry I can't -

Sam caught Dean's hands before he could finish signing, lowering them back into his lap. "Don't. You'll get there when you feel ready," Sam said, trying to hide his obvious sadness and irritation.

Dean sighed and slumped against the couch, biting his lower lip. He looked over at his brother, deciding to tell him some good news instead.

I told him that I love him, this morning.

Sam's eyes widened, smiling brightly. "You did?! Dean, that's amazing!" He took the opportunity to hug his brother, chuckling happily. Dean held his brother back, missing the closeness. He'd lived with Sam his whole life. It was weird to wake up and not greet the day with your brother downstairs eating toast and talking aloud from the newspaper. Just little things like that he'd missed.

"Alright Winchesters get your butts in here. Grubs up," Gabriel called from the other room, helping Castiel set the table with various bowls of vegetables and boats of gravy and sauces. Castiel set the roasted chicken up on the end of the table, carving succulent slices of breast to serve onto everyone's plate.

"Cooking must run in the family. This smells amazing, Cas," Sam praised, taking in all the different smells the banquet provided. Gabriel chuckled, helping himself to new potatoes melted in butter and rosemary.

"Yeah we make quite a duo, huh kiddo?" he teased. "You make the main and I make the dessert."

Castiel smiled shyly, cutting up the rest of the chicken and removed the wings and legs and set them on a plate for people to help themselves to if they wanted more. "I-I hope it's okay," he said quietly. "I-I tried a different recipe for the chicken." Dean just gave a thumbs up in response, his mouth stuffed like a hamster, making Castiel chuckle a little.

Dinner was pleasant as usual. They all caught up on what each couple had done that week and what their plans were for next week. Gabriel was thinking of renovating the bakery to include seats for people to eat inside. Again, Gabriel brought up the idea of him and Castiel running a café together. Castiel as usual, pretended not to hear him. Sam had a few more clients and got an interview to work for a mental hospital in the city. He wasn't sure if he was going to take it though. Dean talked about the garage. How Bobby was getting older and might be handing the business over to him soon.

And Castiel, he talked about wanting to go to the beach next weekend if Dean had the time. "You guys can come with us if you want. I-I'd love to have all the support I can get. I-I-If you don't mind, of course."

Sam smiled, pushing his empty plate out in front of him as he relaxed into his chair. "Sounds good. Haven't been to the beach since..well since college. It'd be nice to have a day by the sea. What do you think, babe?" Gabriel nodded in agreement, swallowing a gulp of wine.

Dean stood up, gathering the empty plates together to take into the kitchen. Gabriel stood up to help, going through to get his chocolate melts out of the oven where they'd been keeping warm. Dean silently helped Gabriel, getting out new plates to put the cakes on before they both went back through to the the dining room.

The rest of the night went well. Shortly after dessert, their was tea and coffee and a few extra discussions about movies they'd seen and books they'd read before things wound down and Sam and Gabriel went home, leaving Dean and Castiel to clean up the dishes before heading up to bed. Both curled up in one another, staring into each other's eyes.

"I-I had fun tonight," Castiel said quietly, playing with Dean's hair absently.

"I j-ust wish I-I could talk to Sam," Dean whispered, eyes closed as he leant into Castiel's touch.

"You will," Castiel said confidently. "I know you will. You talked to me, didn't you?" He smiled a little, trying to comfort Dean before curiously asking, "If I were Sam, w-what would you say to me?"

Dean looked at Castiel, a little taken back but he thought for a moment before answering. "I-I'm sorry about mom."


	22. Chapter 22

"W-What- Dean, you can't tell him," Castiel said softly, giving his boyfriend a concerned look. "You'll be hurting him e-even more. He's been through enough."

"No. I've been through enough!" Dean snapped, making Castiel flinch. Taking a deep breath, Dean composed himself before continuing. "I-I've s-s-spent so long..not talking. K-K-Keeping these things locked away. I'm sick of it! I j-just want to be able to tell my brother I love him."

Castiel's heart broke, watching Dean like this. He carefully collected the man in his arms and rested Dean's head against his chest. "Y-You will," he promised. "You're s-strong enough. I know you can do it."

Dean remained silent, on the verge of frustrated tears as he eventually calmed down and fell asleep in Castiel's arms whilst the other rubbed soothing circles into his back. Once Castiel was sure Dean was asleep, he kissed Dean's temple and settle down beside him and got comfortable as he eventually fell asleep himself.

The week drew by slowly. Dean would go to work at the garage and Castiel would stay at home and work from his computer. He made sure to go out everyday to walk Butterscotch or to water the flowers and herbs in the garden. Things were going well for the couple despite the rocky start to the week and the obvious frustration that simmered beneath Dean's surface.

"I want to do it," Castiel requested giddily, sitting on his spot of the couch, rocking nervously. It was a Friday night. Castiel had organised for Gabriel and Sam to come over and stay the night so they could head to the beach together early the next morning. They were currently ordering pizza. Dean thought it'd be nice to all watch a movie together.

Dean gave Castiel an uncertain look. "As long as you're sure. I'll write everything down for you," Dean said, handing Castiel the phone and quickly jotted down on a piece of paper their order in case Castiel panicked and forgot what he was asking for. Castiel smiled gratefully and closed his eyes. He took a deep breath to calm himself before slowly typing in the number and hit the dial button.

A small nervous noise escaped the man and he quickly held a hand up to cover his mouth. He looked over at Dean who thankfully wasn't watching him, knowing he needed his space for this and being watched would just make things worse. He heard someone answer the phone and he took a deep breath before quickly ordering his food and then gave the man their address.

Once Castiel had hung up, Dean slowly made his way back into the main room and smiled happily at his boyfriend. Castiel mirrored the expression, setting the phone down on the coffee table carefully before opening his arms towards Dean when the other man sat down and embraced him tightly.

"I'm…so proud of you," Dean whispered, pressing a careful kiss against Castiel's cheek before moving away. Castiel let out a small noise in excitement, grinning idiotically. There was a knock at the door and Castiel's eyes lit up.

"I'll get it!" he insisted happily, rushing to the door like an excited child. He opened the door carefully at first but let it swing back when he acknowledged it was Gabriel and Sam. "I ordered pizza!" he announced happily. "On the phone. I-I used the phone!"

Gabriel could only exchange an amused look with Sam. "That's great news kiddo. D'ya think you could let us in. We're freezing our butts out here." Castiel deflated a little, mumbling his apologies as he shied away to the side to let the two men in. Sam squeezed Castiel's shoulder gently, smiling fondly as he closed the door behind them.

"That's great, Cas," Sam praised as Gabriel embraced Dean, greeting the other.

"Heya kid, you better have something decent lined up for tonight. I'm not up for another night stuck watching The Notebook," he said, shooting Sam a glance making Dean smirk. Sam just shrugged in his defence, dropping his hand from Castiel's shoulder.

"It's a good movie," Sam protested lightly.

"Yeah yeah," Gabriel said, rolling his eyes.

Dean tugged lightly at Gabriel's jacket getting him to follow him into the other room. He picked up the stack of movies he'd rented from the video store in town and handed them to Gabriel. Sam hung up his jacket in the hallway and took off his shoes whilst Castiel played host and got everyone drinks.

"Hmm, let's see here," Gabriel said under his breath as he looked through the movies. "Wayne's World, nice. Sherlock Holmes..is this the one directed by that guy that did Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels?" Gabriel asked, looking up at Dean. Dean nodded in answer, smiling a little.

Gabriel looked over his shoulder to see Sam walking into the room. "Dean knows what Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels is," Gabriel said as if to prove a previous argument the couple had had. Sam just rolled his eyes affectionately, standing behind Gabriel to look at the movie selection.

"I'm sorry. I don't know every movie ever made," Sam protested.

Gabriel just shook his head, returning his attention to the movies. "Thank God you're pretty," he mumbled under his breath. "Alright..Jennifer's Body…is that a vampire thing? I've never seen this."

Sam scoffed. "A movie you haven't seen? I never thought I'd see the day."

Gabriel shot Sam an amused, slightly pissed off look before looking back at Dean who explained what the movie was about.

It's this thing about a possessed cheerleader who kills all the guys in her class. It has Megan Fox in it!

Gabriel rose an eyebrow at Dean. "Oh, Megan Fox. She's so hot," Sam commented, snatching the DVD case from Gabriel and turned it over in his hand to read the back.

Gabriel sighed, rolling his eyes. "You Winchesters and your woman," he smirked, shaking his head. Dean blushed and held back a laugh, sharing an amused look with his brother before taking the DVD back. Castiel came into the room with a tray of hot chocolate and laid it on the table carefully before going back into the kitchen to get plates for the pizza when it arrived.

"Alright so we've got Wayne's World, Sherlock Holmes, Jennifer's Body and.." Gabriel paused, fixing Dean with a glare. "Seriously?" he asked, holding up the DVD case for the movie, 21 Jump Street.

Dean gave Gabriel a confused look just as Castiel was coming back in the room and placed the plates on the coffee table, glancing up at the others to notice the DVD case in Gabriel's hand. He bit his lip and carefully took the DVD case from Gabriel's hand putting it away out of view. "We d-don't talk about that," Castiel said quietly. Dean still looked confused.

"Gabriel dislikes Jonah Hill and his feeble a-attempts to remake a classic 80's show," Castiel explained tiredly like he'd heard that sentence one too many times. Gabriel nodded in agreement.

"Just 'cause they got Johnny Depp to cameo don't make it okay, Dean," Gabriel said, a little touchy on the subject. Dean just nodded, eyes a fraction wider than usual as he gave Castiel a look that made the other man just shrug.

"Just shut up and drink your hot chocolate," Sam snorted, kissing Gabriel's temple affectionately before moving over to sit in the arm chair and grab a cup of hot chocolate. He looked at the beverage with an amused expression. The cup was three quarters of the way full with whipped cream and marshmallows on top. "You Novak's and your food. I swear, you guys are gonna give me diabetes."

Gabriel pouted, finally deciding on Sherlock Holmes and handed the movie to Dean to set up. He placed the others back on the shelf and went to sit in Sam's lap. "I'm not a Novak anymore," he reminded, waving his left hand at Sam, showing off his wedding ring with pride.

"Do you like woman?" Sam asked.

"No," Gabriel answered, frowning.

"Then you're not a Winchester," he teased, recalling their earlier conversation.

Gabriel rolled his eyes scooping some whipped cream onto his finger and plonked it on Sam's nose. "Shut up and drink your damn hot chocolate," he muttered affectionately, moving over to the couch to take a proper seat and grab a cup for himself.

There was another knock at the door and this time Dean answered it to pay for the pizza and bring the food into the main room. Castiel smiled happily to himself, knowing he was the one that ordered the food. He did good today and he was proud.

Everyone got comfortable as the movie played. Gabriel, Dean and Castiel ate pizza on the couch whilst Sam lounged in the armchair beside them. Dean went to take a sip of his hot chocolate and cursed aloud. "Fuck, that's hot!" He set the mug down and dashed into the kitchen to get some water, not realizing his mistake.

Sam could only stare at the empty space on the couch in shock. Gabriel, being his usual deflating self, held a hand over his heart and sighed in mock awe. "Aw, his first words."

* * *

**Hey everybody. Yes, Come Outside is being kick started. I felt there was a lot more I could do with it so I'm continuing it on! Thank you so much for all your lovely comments. If you wanna follow me on tumblr you can do that too, my url is metallicshadows. Thanks for reading! xxx**


	23. Chapter 23

"Fuck, that's hot?" Sam quoted angrily just after Dean had settled back onto the couch, unaware that anything was wrong. It took Dean a moment for him to realize Sam was talking to him. He looked at Castiel curiously and Castiel returned the look with a worried expression of his own. Something wasn't good. He turned back around to look at Sam to find the man had stood up and was towering over him.

"I have waited all these for you to say something and after a _year _of talking to him," Sam bellowed, pointing at Castiel with a trembling hand. "I get 'fuck, that's hot'?"

Castiel flinched as Sam pointed at him. He cowered a little behind Dean. He'd never seen this side of Sam before. He was glad for it. It was horrifying to see such a calm and loving man loose his temper. Especially with Sam's extra height, it was intimidating.

"H-Honey. Princess, please. You're scaring us," Gabriel said quietly, rising from his spot on the couch to rest his hand lightly against Sam's chest. It was rare that Sam got angry. He'd only gotten angry, really angry, about three times since he and Gabriel met.

The first, when Gabriel proposed, letting out the can of worms that was Sam's sexuality. It'd been a long night but Gabriel had managed to calm Sam down enough to get him to open up about his adoptive parents. The abuse he received over his sexuality, everything.

The second had been on the Sam's 25th Birthday just a year later. Sam had never been good with birthdays. They always reminded him of what little family he had left. How he'd been born on that day and just six months later his parents had died. He'd gotten really drunk and lashed his anger out on Gabriel. Deep down, Gabriel hasn't forgiven him for what he did to him that night.

And the third was now. After years of built up walls of emotion, Dean had finally spoken and snapped a coil somewhere inside of Sam's mind. Gabriel was having to use all of his strength just to keep hold of Sam's hand so the other didn't try to swing it at Dean like he knew he wanted to.

"Look at me," Gabriel begged. "This isn't you. This isn't my husband." He swallowed thickly, stepping in front of Sam because he could feel Sam try to push back to free his hand and he didn't want him to hurt Dean or Castiel. "Please. Just take a deep breath and think about what you're doing."

Dean had never seen his brother like this. It reminded him so much of their father it triggered the memory. He started rocking softly, clutching hold of Castiel like he was the teddybear he held all those years ago as a lost little boy beneath the bed.

Castiel didn't say anything. He had an idea of what was wrong but he didn't want to ask. He didn't want to make it worse. He just held onto Dean tightly, rocking with him a little in an attempt to sooth him. Castiel pressed his lips to the shell of Dean's ear and started singing 'Hey Jude' to him in a hushed whisper.

When they first met, Dean had whistled it to him to calm him down and over the last year it had become a safe song they shared whenever one of them felt low or anxious. Castiel hated using it because that meant Dean wasn't happy. That something was wrong.

Sam reluctantly met Gabriel's eyes, his vision clouded with rage. Dean didn't trust him enough. He was the only family he had left and he wasn't even comfortable enough around him to say something. He pushed Gabriel easily out the way, sending the shorter man toppling to the ground only to stop when he heard Dean whimpering into Castiel's shoulder.

"Make dad stop. Please, make him stop." Dean had never said the words aloud before but it was what he had thought that night, locked up tight in a ball beneath the bed.

"Dad?" Sam parroted with a grunt, his anger subsiding a little as confusion took its place. He could only see Castiel's face looking up at him worryingly as he rubbed his brother's back soothingly.

"Dean," Castiel said softly, looking down to try and meet the other man's eyes. "D-Dad isn't here. Just Sam. Your brother." He could feel Dean trembling against him and his heart ached. He wished he could carry some of the pain too. He wished Dean didn't have to carry the burden of all this alone.

Gabriel had run up to the bathroom. Sam had pushed him and he'd hit his head pretty hard causing his nose to bleed. He took his time up there, figuring he'd only be in the way downstairs. "Times like this I wish Cas was a girl," he muttered to himself, shoving half a toilet roll up each nostril to stop the bleeding.

"Dean, what do you mean 'make dad stop'?" Sam asked, lowering onto his knees in front of the two men. His anger was gone now. All he felt was hurt and worry for his brother. "Please, Dean," he said, trying to keep the frustration out of his voice. "I can help. That's what brothers are for."

Dean wasn't saying anything, just keeping himself as small as possible, curled up against Castiel's chest. Castiel bit his lip, looking down at Sam. "I don't think now is the best time," he said softly, giving his brother-in-law an apologetic look but Dean made a small noise and pushed himself up off of Castiel's chest to look over at Sam.

He didn't look like John anymore. He looked like Sam. The dorky, loving little brother he always knew him for. "Sammy," he whimpered, moving to crawl into his brothers lap and embrace him in a tight bear hug. Sam wasn't sure what was happening but he held his brother until he felt him relax in his arms. He'd just heard his brother utter his name for the first time. Whatever else was going on with Dean could wait until he was ready. Sam had heard Dean say his name. That was a big enough step for today.

"I'm sorry I yelled," Sam said sincerely, looking between Dean and Castiel. "I shouldn't have done that." Castiel nodded, timidly crawling onto the floor to join the hug, too shaken up to say much else.

Gabriel chose this moment to enter the room, tissue still stuck up his nose. "Gee, thanks for the invite guys," he grumbled, pretending to be upset, secretly relieved things had been resolved. More or less.

Sam looked up and his expression changed again to sadness, seeing his husband broken because of him and not for the first time. He held an arm out for Gabriel and the man came and sat with them, leaning his head against Sam's shoulder next to Dean. Dean reached out for Gabriel's hand and squeezed it once. Silently thanking him for standing up for him. Gabriel seemed to understand, giving a small smile in return.

"Gabriel, I'm so sorry," Sam whispered, kissing his husband's forehead.

Gabriel looked up and gave Sam an expressionless look. Although Gabriel was still terrified of this side of Sam he couldn't let it consume him. It'd happened three times in all the years he'd known the man. The rest of the time, Sam was a devoted, loving partner who would cut off his own arm if it made Gabriel happy. He couldn't hang this over Sam's head. He'd bet himself up over it and there was nothing more heartbreaking than a sad Sam.

"It's okay," Gabriel said, lips stretching out into a sly smirk. "Just so you know, you'll be paying for ice cream tomorrow."

Sam just smiled, grateful to have such a forgiving partner. A kind and honourable man that Sam in no way deserved. He kissed Gabriel's forehead again before answering. "I think I'm okay with that."

* * *

Sorry this took so long. I love you guys! Thanks for all the comments and praise :D xx


	24. Chapter 24

Once they were alone, in Castiel's guest bedroom, Sam finally spoke again. "I am truly sorry, Gabriel."

He took a step towards the older man but Gabriel held out his left hand in warning. His wedding band shining dully where the street light outside shone in through the window, warm orange light wrapping around the room. Gabriel's podgy figure looking more defined by the way the shadows cast against his shirtless torso. "Don't. Touch me," he warned, voice low. The room silent save for Gabriel's almost terrified, shaky breath.

Sam blinked in surprise, shaking his head in confusion. His own shirt was clasped tightly in his left hand from where he'd been in the process of changing for bed. "Babe," he breathed, emphasising the hurt tone in his voice. "I said I was sorry. Do..do you want me to sleep on the couch?" he asked, tossing his shirt onto a the chair behind him which sat in the corner of the room. "I'll understand," he assured quietly, very aware of the distance between them. "Take all the time you need. Please. Just tell me what to do."

Gabriel's eyes darted around the room until stopping on the chair. He sighed deeply, taking his own shirt, which was still held in his hand, and threw it to the chair. "I don't know," he admitted.

He loved Sam. He was the one, no doubt. He'd never question if he'd married the right man. He knew he had. The problem was there were moments. Times like these were Gabriel just wanted to leave and run from his problems. But if he did, he wouldn't know how to come back. Whether Sam would let him back. So he stayed. Remained silent, struggling to process his thoughts.

"We're going to the beach tomorrow," he said firmly, trying to grip to some form of structure. "We're going to be a supportive couple that Castiel and Dean can look up to. Tomorrow isn't about us."

Sam's silence confirmed his agreement and Gabriel ran a hand through his hair, grimacing as his thick fingers got caught on a knot and made him pull roughly at his hair. Sam went to his toiletry bag and pulled out a brush, holding it out for Gabriel like this was something they did regularly.

Gabriel took the brush with a small twitch of a smile and started brushing back his hair, getting the knots out. "I haven't…we still have some things to work out, Sam," he said, looking at the other's belt absently instead of his face as he fixed his hair. "But that can wait until we're alone. For now. We'll continue to be okay. For their sake."

He held out the brush for Sam and the younger man took it with a small nod. There was a moment, where both held the brush, meeting each others eyes. It was a brief moment but it said enough to Sam. "I do love you, you know," Gabriel said, feeling like it needed to be said. It didn't. Sam already knew.

"I love you too," he said in response, sporting a small smile. "I promise we'll fix this." The amount of determination in Sam's voice made Gabriel feel a little less numb and shaken up.

"I know we will," Gabriel sighed, watching as Sam turned his back to set the hairbrush down on the nightstand. He took a step towards the other. He preferred Sam like this. With his back to him. Sam seemed more vulnerable like this and it made it easier for Gabriel to get things back on track after a rough argument or falling out.

He pressed his hand to Sam's wrist, his thumb circling over his pulse point carefully. He stayed there for a moment, resting his forehead against his husband's back. A moment of silence. A promise. Things would get better. He moved away after a moment and shrugged out of his pants and crawled into bed, leaving a space for Sam. "Let's just get some sleep," he said with a strained yawn.

Sam just nodded, waiting until Gabriel was settled before unbuckling his belt and pulled down his jeans and got into bed, leaving a space between them. Sam knew he deserved it. Gabriel was still letting him off pretty easily if he were honest but for now it meant everything to him to know Gabriel wasn't giving up on him and all of his problems.

Meanwhile, Dean was downstairs, helping Castiel wash the dishes and put everything away before their trip tomorrow. Dean was drying the last dish and setting it back in the cupboard whilst Castiel dried his hands. "A-Are you sure you still want to go out tomorrow, Dean?" Castiel asked gently.

Dean nodded, drying his own hands before folding up the towel and set it aside. "You've b-b-been working so hard f-f-for..this, baby," Dean murmured, leaning against the kitchen counter with a soft sigh, looking over at his boyfriend with a proud expression.

Castiel blushed under the intense gaze. A blush peeking out from beneath his stubbled cheek. "You have too," he whispered, leaning against the counter opposite. The side of his foot pressed against Dean's. "I-I'm so proud of what you did tonight, Dean. That was i-i-incredible."

Dean gave the smallest nod in acknowledgement but didn't say anything. He was relieved he'd finally spoken to his brother. He just wished it could have been on better terms. He stayed silent for a moment before straightening up off of the counter and leaned forward to pat Castiel's forearm. "Let's sleep," he finally said, heading for the stairs.

With a small nod, Castiel followed. Looking around the room one last time to make sure everything was in place before heading upstairs with Dean. Butterscotch was already in his basket in the corner of their bedroom, fast asleep, sprawled out and snoring obnoxiously. Castiel thought it was endearing. He just hoped he'd be okay on his own for the day.

Dean had already stripped down to his boxers and was just stepping into a pair of pyjama bottoms when Castiel began to undress. "W-Will there be i-ice cream?" Castiel asked giddily. "I-I hear ice cream on the beach is b-better than the stuff you get in the stores."

Dean nodded and smiled giddily. He'd only ever been to the beach a few times but it was nice to see Castiel experience it all for the first time. "It's the best," Dean whispered, watching as Castiel put on one of Dean's baggy hoodies and crawled into bed, kissing Dean sweetly before lying down on his side.

Castiel hummed, closing his eyes. He was excited. Despite the nights events, everything was going well. Not the way they'd planned but Dean had spoken to his brother. That was a step in the right direction so that was good. Tomorrow he'd be going outside and further than he ever had before. The beach. Almost an hour away in the car. He was terrified but still buzzing with positive energy because he knew with his family around him, he'd be okay.

He felt Dean's arm rest loosely on his hip as the other laid down on his side beside him. "N-Night," Dean whispered. Castiel felt a smile curl at his lips. "Goodnight, Dean."

The next morning was full of nervous energy. Mainly from Castiel running around, making sure they had everything. "I'm going outside. I'm going to the beach!" he kept repeating, voice shaking with nerves. Dean found it endearing and laughed, until he turned to find Sam behind him, smiling proudly.

His laughter stopped. He wasn't sure what to do. Then Sam spoke, "Morning, brother."

Dean's smile widened, Castiel's positive energy was rubbing off on him. If he could face his demons then so could he. "Mornin', Sammy," he responded with the biggest grin on his face. Castiel ran past them, holding sunscreen and a picnic blanket in his arms as well as Butterscotch.

"We're going to the beach!" Castiel beamed, making both Winchester's laugh.

Castiel set the dog down in the kitchen and started pouring food into a bowl and set it down on the floor for the puppy. This is when Gabriel appeared downstairs, just out the shower, in fresh clothes, his hair still damp. He kissed Sam's cheek in greeting and Sam gave a small smile, resting his hand on Gabriel's forearm.

"Have you heard? We're going to the beach," Sam smirked, shooting Castiel a look.

Gabriel gave Castiel the same look. "Yeah. It might have been mentioned."

Castiel blushed and Dean laughed, going over to kiss Castiel's cheek. "Sorry," he apologized. "I'm just excited!"

Gabriel laughed, happy to see his brother this happy for once. "Alright. So we've got the food. Got the sunscreen. Swimwear. Anything else you wanna take?" Gabriel asked, wanting his brother to have whatever he needed to help him feel as comfortable as possible out there.

Castiel shook his head. "I think that's it," he breathed giddily. "A-Are we ready to go?"

Dean nodded, bending down to stroke Butterscotch before getting back up to head out to the car with the rest of them. The car journey wasn't that bad. Castiel had his headphones. He blocked everything else out and just listened to his music, keeping himself calm until they got there.

Dean drove, of course, whilst Gabriel and Sam sat in the back. Gabriel was looking out the window as everything passed by whilst Sam sat there opting between looking out the window and striking up conversation with Dean. He did most of the talking but he did get the occasional sentence out of his brother which made him grin with pride.

An hour or so later, they were at the beach. Dean had parked up in the lot and they'd all walked down together. Sam and Gabriel hung back a bit, letting Dean go with Castiel and pick out a spot for them. Castiel found a spot near the top away from children and was a bit more isolated and quiet.

They set out the blanket and towels and Dean laid down with a small huff. Castiel sat beside him, looking down with a small smile. "T-Thank you f-f-for driving us here, Dean," he whispered to which Dean smiled back, his eyes squinting up at Castiel to keep the sun out of his eyes.

Sam whipped off his top and Gabriel let out a cheeky wolf whistle. "You want help with the sunblock?" Gabriel offered and Sam nodded, moving to sit on one of the towels and Gabriel knelt behind him, rubbing suncream into his back. Castiel watched them before looking away shyly.

Dean noticed, rubbing Castiel's knee to get his attention. "You don't h-have to take your top off," he assured with a small smile. He could see the tension leave Castiel's shoulders as he let out a small sigh in relief. He sat back on his ass instead of his knees and started pulling his shoes and socks off and buried his feet in the sand, giggling quietly to himself.

"It's really warm," he said in surprise, looking over at Dean. Dean sat up and did the same, pulling his shoes and socks off so he could join Castiel and put his feet in the sand.

"Soft too," he commented, bumping shoulders with his boyfriend. Castiel smiled shyly, biting his lower lip. "You wanna p-put your toes in..the sea?" he asked, drawing patterns in the sand with a slender finger.

Castiel nodded excitedly, getting to his feet with Dean's help. They were both in shorts so could step in without getting their clothes wet. Dean took Castiel's hand and walked down the beach with him. Castiel giggling nervously from time to time, needing an outlet of all this energy.

Once Gabriel had finished helping Sam with his sunblock. Sam did the same for Gabriel, getting the shorter man to sit between his legs whilst he rubbed lotion into his back. "I'm glad we're here," he whispered into Gabriel's ear. "It's nice out here. Away from it all."

Gabriel hummed in agreement, his hand resting on Sam's thigh. "I'm..I'm sorry about yesterday," Gabriel said quietly making Sam kiss his neck softly in response.

"Don't be. You were right. We need to talk about what happened. Deal with..my baggage."

"I should have been more supportive last night. You were obviously just as shaken as I was."

Sam moved a little so he could see Gabriel's face. "Gabe," he murmured softly. "You had every right to be mad. It's okay. Really."

Gabriel sighed, moving to lie on his stomach on the towel beside Sam's. "I love you," he murmured, squeezing Sam's hand before letting go.

Sam smiled sadly, putting on a pair of sunglasses and sat back on his hand, soaking in the sun. "I love you too, Gabe."

Whilst Gabriel and Sam sunbathed, Dean stood with Castiel by the edge of the water. Castiel looked nervous but Dean squeezed his hand. "Ready?" he asked with a soft smile.

Castiel breathed in deeply before nodding and the two carefully stepped into the water. Castiel flailed a little, laughing breathlessly. "It's freezing!" he declared, making Dean laugh.

"C-C-Come on, let's go in a little further," Dean said, nudging Castiel a little and squeezed his hand.

Castiel followed, making sure he didn't get his shorts wet. "I-I can't swim," he said as if just remembering. He barely went out. He'd never learnt how. Dean seemed to understand.

"We're just s-s-standing here, babe. I..I-I've got you," he assured, squeezing Castiel's hand again and Castiel laughed as he felt a small wave push him off balance a little. It was bizarre, with the squishy sand beneath their feet and the water swaying them.

It was fun though. Castiel decided he liked the beach.

* * *

Hey guys! Sorry this took so long. I hope you enjoy! Thanks to everyone who has written a review or read this story. I love you all! If you wanna check me out on tumblr and just say hello my url is metallicshadows :3 xx


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